A couple of days ago I was asked to give a brief presentation on my plans for Africa at my church's night of missions celebration. There had been quite a few people in the church who had gone on mission trips recently and the church took an evening to celebrate and highlight those. I was asked then to speak on my plans for Africa. I'll admit I felt a little out of place as the trip is still a year away and I honestly felt like I didn't have much to say other than "I want to go." But I got up there and talked a little bit about my dreams for Africa for the last several years and some of the practical steps I'm needing to take to get there. What I was blessed by more than anything though was what someone else said last night. A woman in our church who works in Deaf ministry had recently gone to Honduras to work with New Life Deaf Ministry, an awesome ministry that is working diligently to serve the Lord and the Deaf community in Honduras. She read this poem below and it just struck my heart in such a profound way:
Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity; and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas where storms will show your mastery; where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizons of our hopes; and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.
Yes Lord, let it be so.
Confront us with our complacency and fill us with a Holy Hunger that is insatiable.
Instill within us a Divine Desperation to see Your Kingdom come and to cease from building our own kingdoms.
Pull the rug out from under our frivolous ambitions and give us eyes to see our own true motives and frailties.
Send us into the depths of adversity, if need be, to cause us to stretch our hands toward yours, lest we perish.
We admit and confess to you that we have no way of knowing you, and your ways, without your divine intervention working in us to show us the way. Lead us on Father , lead us on.
Prayer of Sir Frances Drake, circa 1590
The things that struck me the most were the parts I put in bold - because in the midst of my daydreams of Africa, I'm slowly beginning to realize that my plans have been made entirely apart from God. I've been dreaming too little. Africa seems too attainable. It's been on my own strength, my own desires, my selfish wishes that this trip has been coming together. As saddened and ashamed as I might be to admit it, I've left God out of the picture.
At what point did I start to think I could live my life apart from God, or at least apart from the direction of the Holy Spirit? At what point did I say to God that I no longer want to hear his direction spoken over my life? Why am I dreaming too little and staying too close to the shore?
8.31.2009
8.08.2009
Summer Recap
Okay, finally a recap on the summer. I know, it's taken me awhile. The summer has flown by as usual and I think I still have these fleeting moments of shock when I realize that I've already completed one year of my grad program and have only one year left. I remember thinking a year ago, "Holy cow - two years? That seems like an eternity." And at the time, it really did feel like that. When you think about the fact that I had already spent four years away from my family and my home, another two just felt like such a long time.
Despite the time flying, I have thoroughly enjoyed checking out from the world a little this summer. After not having a TV or getting on Facebook and occasionally leaving my cellphone behind, those things don't hold much appeal anymore. When I sit down and watch TV or get on Facebook, I get this anxious feeling. I'm not quite sure how to explain other than I just feel this need to get it over with as soon as possible. There just isn't much of a "want to" anymore when it comes to those things. I find now that I want to spend my time reading or being creative in some manner. I mean, I breezed my way through nearly 30 books this summer - yes, you read right. Thirty books. And I loved it. I loved coming home in the evenings, grabbing a good book and settling in for the night. My reading selection expanded quite a bit this summer, too, as I deviated from the genres I normally read.
I stumbled across this fabulous book called "The Only Road North" by Erik Mirandette. If you can get your hands on it, do it. I also snagged the book "Shoeless Joe" by Bill Kinsella, which the movie "Field of Dreams" is based upon. Marvelous book. I mean, the movie is good, but there is something all together magical about that book. I also read "The Lost City of Z," which is great book about adventure and exploring - good for the history too. There are just so many amazing books out there. I love finding these little gems of stories and getting so completely lost in them. A friend of mine had this quote on his blog the other day and I think it is so true: "Perhaps there is some secret sort of homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers." It's from the book "Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society." I'd like to think that quote is true on some level. Or maybe the homing instinct is in me and it's the book that is perfect.
Other than the ridiculous amounts of reading I did, I also made some more progress on my plans for Africa. One of my best friends and I are flying down to Florida in October to go to Rafiki's headquarters for a weekend of training. I happened to meet up with the couple who is on full-time staff in Zambia that my church supports. Listening to their stories - I nearly wanted to cry my eyes out the entire way through their presentation. Not because it was particularly sad, but because I kept thinking to myself, "How is this possible? How is possible to so completely long for a country I've never been to, a people I've never met, and a continent that I've only known to exist on a map?" A big part of me just wants to get on a plane and go NOW. Next summer just seems so far away, but even as this past year has flown by, I know this coming year will likewise. And between now and then, I'll keep dreaming of Africa and its people.
I have more thoughts on the summer - stay tuned for more....
Despite the time flying, I have thoroughly enjoyed checking out from the world a little this summer. After not having a TV or getting on Facebook and occasionally leaving my cellphone behind, those things don't hold much appeal anymore. When I sit down and watch TV or get on Facebook, I get this anxious feeling. I'm not quite sure how to explain other than I just feel this need to get it over with as soon as possible. There just isn't much of a "want to" anymore when it comes to those things. I find now that I want to spend my time reading or being creative in some manner. I mean, I breezed my way through nearly 30 books this summer - yes, you read right. Thirty books. And I loved it. I loved coming home in the evenings, grabbing a good book and settling in for the night. My reading selection expanded quite a bit this summer, too, as I deviated from the genres I normally read.
I stumbled across this fabulous book called "The Only Road North" by Erik Mirandette. If you can get your hands on it, do it. I also snagged the book "Shoeless Joe" by Bill Kinsella, which the movie "Field of Dreams" is based upon. Marvelous book. I mean, the movie is good, but there is something all together magical about that book. I also read "The Lost City of Z," which is great book about adventure and exploring - good for the history too. There are just so many amazing books out there. I love finding these little gems of stories and getting so completely lost in them. A friend of mine had this quote on his blog the other day and I think it is so true: "Perhaps there is some secret sort of homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers." It's from the book "Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society." I'd like to think that quote is true on some level. Or maybe the homing instinct is in me and it's the book that is perfect.
Other than the ridiculous amounts of reading I did, I also made some more progress on my plans for Africa. One of my best friends and I are flying down to Florida in October to go to Rafiki's headquarters for a weekend of training. I happened to meet up with the couple who is on full-time staff in Zambia that my church supports. Listening to their stories - I nearly wanted to cry my eyes out the entire way through their presentation. Not because it was particularly sad, but because I kept thinking to myself, "How is this possible? How is possible to so completely long for a country I've never been to, a people I've never met, and a continent that I've only known to exist on a map?" A big part of me just wants to get on a plane and go NOW. Next summer just seems so far away, but even as this past year has flown by, I know this coming year will likewise. And between now and then, I'll keep dreaming of Africa and its people.
I have more thoughts on the summer - stay tuned for more....
6.09.2009
Sad the stories had to end...
So I just got done reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I'm wondering why in the world I didn't read these books sooner. Tolkien is a brilliant writer and gifted storyteller. That's not a news flash or anything, as people have known that for decades, but there is always something greatly satisfying when you find out for yourself why some authors are such geniuses. I think I zoomed through all 1200 pages in about two weeks or so - and considering I've got two jobs and going to classes two nights a week, I think that's decent timing.
As I was reading, I think I was just so utterly captivated by the vast creativity and imagination of Tolkien. His characters are so uniquely defined in the book - but always honest and real. He captures the little idiosyncrasies about each without explicitly saying what the character is about. Tolkien is a show, don't tell kind of author. He crafts the story in such a way that allows the reader to get lost in what is happening, the struggle in good and evil, the importance of relationships, and the ultimate victories to be shared.
I think my favorite character is Sam - both in the movies and I came to love him even more in the books. His fierce loyalty and his ever watchful eye over his "master" were endearing, something that I wish were modeled more often in the lives of real men. He's quite possibly one of the most unselfish characters in literature (not that I've read every book known to mankind to say without a doubt that he is, but I would imagine that he's got to be at the top of the lists of unselfish characters in the history of storytelling). He was always putting the needs of Frodo above his own, always seeing that Frodo was able to eat, rest, and complete the journey set before him. I loved his line at the end (I know it's in the movie and I'm pretty sure it's in the book), "I can't carry the ring for you, but I can carry you!" What a fighter - compassionate and strong, ever focused on what is ultimately at stake.
Aragorn is another character that I love - maybe just because of his portayal of what I think masculinity ought to be on some level. He's a man's man. I think in some ways he reminds me of King David in the Bible - that tender warrior, a man not afraid to fight for his land and people and what he believes in, but also gentle and tender in his dealings with those around him. He leads with the integrity of his heart and isn't afraid to make some unpopular decisions. He's a character that can be easily respected.
And despite my decision not to watch TV and movies for the summer, I did decide to watch the movies after reading the books. The movies are some of my favorite movies ever and I didn't want to wait until August to watch them all. So I dug the TV out of the closet and set up shop. Parts of my DVDs are messed up so I had to skip entire sections of the trilogy, but after I got done watching them all, I think my affection for the story deepened even more. It's just so stinkin' brilliant! And Peter Jackson - what a marvelous job of giving life to a story that was already leaping off the pages. He certainly did the books justice in my opinion.
As I was reading, I think I was just so utterly captivated by the vast creativity and imagination of Tolkien. His characters are so uniquely defined in the book - but always honest and real. He captures the little idiosyncrasies about each without explicitly saying what the character is about. Tolkien is a show, don't tell kind of author. He crafts the story in such a way that allows the reader to get lost in what is happening, the struggle in good and evil, the importance of relationships, and the ultimate victories to be shared.
I think my favorite character is Sam - both in the movies and I came to love him even more in the books. His fierce loyalty and his ever watchful eye over his "master" were endearing, something that I wish were modeled more often in the lives of real men. He's quite possibly one of the most unselfish characters in literature (not that I've read every book known to mankind to say without a doubt that he is, but I would imagine that he's got to be at the top of the lists of unselfish characters in the history of storytelling). He was always putting the needs of Frodo above his own, always seeing that Frodo was able to eat, rest, and complete the journey set before him. I loved his line at the end (I know it's in the movie and I'm pretty sure it's in the book), "I can't carry the ring for you, but I can carry you!" What a fighter - compassionate and strong, ever focused on what is ultimately at stake.
Aragorn is another character that I love - maybe just because of his portayal of what I think masculinity ought to be on some level. He's a man's man. I think in some ways he reminds me of King David in the Bible - that tender warrior, a man not afraid to fight for his land and people and what he believes in, but also gentle and tender in his dealings with those around him. He leads with the integrity of his heart and isn't afraid to make some unpopular decisions. He's a character that can be easily respected.
And despite my decision not to watch TV and movies for the summer, I did decide to watch the movies after reading the books. The movies are some of my favorite movies ever and I didn't want to wait until August to watch them all. So I dug the TV out of the closet and set up shop. Parts of my DVDs are messed up so I had to skip entire sections of the trilogy, but after I got done watching them all, I think my affection for the story deepened even more. It's just so stinkin' brilliant! And Peter Jackson - what a marvelous job of giving life to a story that was already leaping off the pages. He certainly did the books justice in my opinion.
6.02.2009
Day Whatever
From one of my favorite blogs, Stuff Christians Like. This was too funny not to pass along. Hopefully you find it as hilarious as I do.
#550. Surviving church as a single.
Single adults, I have failed you. Although I’ve written a handful of ideas about being single at church, I’ve never really done that topic justice.
So today, I created a list of all the different stereotypes and challenges singles have to navigate when they go to church. From the “get married right this second” friends to the “this guy has a pulse and so do you so maybe that’s enough in common to fall in love” friends, it’s all here.
And I can’t take credit for it. I read your comments about real things that have happened to you at church, got ideas from my single friends, and received a great email from a pastor named Jeff. I took it all and created a point based scorecard.
Ready to play?
The Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard
1. Your church doesn't have a singles ministry. = + 1 point
2. Your church has a singles ministry but it's combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:Student: "My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!"Single: "My 401K is underperforming." = +2 points
3. Your church has a singles ministry but it's a triad that combines college, single adults and divorce recovery. = + 3 points
4. Your church has a singles ministry but it's the dreaded quad, combining college, single adults, divorce recovery and retired widowers that refuse to move to Florida. = +4 points
5. Someone pays you the world's most backhanded compliment, "I just don't understand how someone as great as you isn't married yet." = +1 point
6. Someone told you, “If you stop looking for love you’ll find it.” 2 points for each time you’ve heard that.
7. At church, people give you weird looks if you refuse to sit in the “singles” section of the sanctuary. = +1 point
8. When people introduce you, they say, “This is Matt, my single friend.” = +2 points
9. When people introduce you they feel compelled to list out your accomplishments, “This is
Sally, my single friend who owns her own home, drives a luxury sedan and has a very, very stable job.” = +3 points
10. Your friends that have been married for 15 minutes act like they suddenly don’t remember anything about dating and therefore can't give you any advice. “It’s been so long since I dated, things have changed so much. I’m just out of that whole scene.” + 2 points
11. People are constantly volunteering you for things because, “you’re single, you’ve got so much free time.” = +1 point
12. People at church act a little surprised when they ask you, “How are you doing?” and you respond with, “Things are great right now. I love my life!” = +1 point
13. Married friends try to live vicariously through you, asking questions like, “What did you do this weekend? Road trip? I bet you went on some crazy cool, singles road trip, right?” = +2 points
14. Someone you just met for the first time said a sentence like this to you, “If you want to get married, you need to ______.” = +2 points
15. Whenever married friends call you at noon on a Saturday, they start the conversation by saying, “Did I just wake you up?” = +3 points
16. You assume that if you don’t get engaged by final exams of your senior year in college you'll never get married. = -2 points
17. You’ve secretly always wanted your own cat but are afraid that ownership of a single kitten will become some sort of gateway drug to becoming “the cat lady.” = - 2 points
18. You’ve ever given an impassioned, enraged monologue on the injustice that men who are single get to age gracefully and be considered “bachelors” while women are instantly judged as “crazy cat ladies.” = – 3 points
19. You’ve got a “don’t perpetuate the cat lady stereotype,” monologue locked and loaded at all times and have already stopped reading this post so you can put it in the comments section. = - 5 points
20. Someone has quoted the “it’s not good for man to be alone” Bible verse to you. = +2 points.
21. When friends invite you to their church they start the invite by listing both the quantity and hotness of the singles that go there. = +1 point
22. That friend was named Jon Acuff and he said, “No one in Atlanta should ever involuntarily remain single with so many awesome single people at North Point Community Church.” (I've said this a lot. My bad.) = + 3 points
23. Your married friends tip toe around you during February because they think you're too delicate to handle the completely made up holiday, Valentine’s Day. = +1 point
24. You are too delicate to handle Valentine’s Day and have been known to describe it with a rich tapestry of words no Christian should even know exist, never mind actually say out loud. = + 1 point
25. The person that leads the singles ministry at your church got married in 1964. = +10 points for each decade they’ve been married.
26. Someone told you, "Maybe you need to focus on being more like a Proverbs 31 woman." = 2 points for each time it wasn't sincere encouragement.
27. You didn't know you were supposed to be unhappy as a single adult until you went to church and found the singles ministry to be akin to a support group. = +3 points
28. Upon hearing that you went on a first date with someone, your single friends at church stop inviting you to the single events because "you're in a relationship already." = +2 points
29. Upon hearing that you went on two dates, your married friends at church start telling you, "I'll be praying that this is the one!" = + 3 points
30. Your best friend of 15 years gets married and then suddenly acts like a magical gap has opened up between you and decides that until you get married too you can't be close again because you just don't understand each other anymore. = +3 points
31. To justify giving a four week marriage sermon series to a congregation that is 60% single, the pastor throws out one blanket statement like this at the beginning of the series, "And you single people listen up to this too, this well serve you well when you get married too." = +2 points
32. You set your alarm to "not going to church today" after the first week of the marriage sermon series. = - 2 points
33. The only time your married friends invite you over is when they need a babysitter. = +3 points
34. Someone throws the "Paul was never married" card on you. = +2 points
35. Friends assume that the only qualification that matters to you when it comes to finding a date is that she's available and set you up with people you have nothing in common with. = +2 points
36. You've ever said the rhyme, "I'm a bachelor til’ the rapture." = - 1 point
37. During a prayer at church celebrating wedding anniversaries, the person praying says a
special prayer for all the people that are still single and lonely. (True story) = +1 point
38. You have a friend that feels like creating a dating profile on eHarmony is a sign that you might not be trusting God enough to provide a soul mate. = + 1 point
39. You've developed highly sensitive, "They're about to throw the bouquet" radar and know exactly when to leave a wedding. = +2 points
40. Instead of saying that you're "single" your friends describe you as "Not married yet." = +2 points
How did you score? Did I miss any? Have you experienced some that just weren't on that list?
Singles of the world unite and post your score proudly and when someone tries to stereotype you, tell them Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle.
#550. Surviving church as a single.
Single adults, I have failed you. Although I’ve written a handful of ideas about being single at church, I’ve never really done that topic justice.
So today, I created a list of all the different stereotypes and challenges singles have to navigate when they go to church. From the “get married right this second” friends to the “this guy has a pulse and so do you so maybe that’s enough in common to fall in love” friends, it’s all here.
And I can’t take credit for it. I read your comments about real things that have happened to you at church, got ideas from my single friends, and received a great email from a pastor named Jeff. I took it all and created a point based scorecard.
Ready to play?
The Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard
1. Your church doesn't have a singles ministry. = + 1 point
2. Your church has a singles ministry but it's combined with the college ministry which creates opportunities for conversations like this:Student: "My roommate bought a microwave for our dorm room. I love being a Freshman!"Single: "My 401K is underperforming." = +2 points
3. Your church has a singles ministry but it's a triad that combines college, single adults and divorce recovery. = + 3 points
4. Your church has a singles ministry but it's the dreaded quad, combining college, single adults, divorce recovery and retired widowers that refuse to move to Florida. = +4 points
5. Someone pays you the world's most backhanded compliment, "I just don't understand how someone as great as you isn't married yet." = +1 point
6. Someone told you, “If you stop looking for love you’ll find it.” 2 points for each time you’ve heard that.
7. At church, people give you weird looks if you refuse to sit in the “singles” section of the sanctuary. = +1 point
8. When people introduce you, they say, “This is Matt, my single friend.” = +2 points
9. When people introduce you they feel compelled to list out your accomplishments, “This is
Sally, my single friend who owns her own home, drives a luxury sedan and has a very, very stable job.” = +3 points
10. Your friends that have been married for 15 minutes act like they suddenly don’t remember anything about dating and therefore can't give you any advice. “It’s been so long since I dated, things have changed so much. I’m just out of that whole scene.” + 2 points
11. People are constantly volunteering you for things because, “you’re single, you’ve got so much free time.” = +1 point
12. People at church act a little surprised when they ask you, “How are you doing?” and you respond with, “Things are great right now. I love my life!” = +1 point
13. Married friends try to live vicariously through you, asking questions like, “What did you do this weekend? Road trip? I bet you went on some crazy cool, singles road trip, right?” = +2 points
14. Someone you just met for the first time said a sentence like this to you, “If you want to get married, you need to ______.” = +2 points
15. Whenever married friends call you at noon on a Saturday, they start the conversation by saying, “Did I just wake you up?” = +3 points
16. You assume that if you don’t get engaged by final exams of your senior year in college you'll never get married. = -2 points
17. You’ve secretly always wanted your own cat but are afraid that ownership of a single kitten will become some sort of gateway drug to becoming “the cat lady.” = - 2 points
18. You’ve ever given an impassioned, enraged monologue on the injustice that men who are single get to age gracefully and be considered “bachelors” while women are instantly judged as “crazy cat ladies.” = – 3 points
19. You’ve got a “don’t perpetuate the cat lady stereotype,” monologue locked and loaded at all times and have already stopped reading this post so you can put it in the comments section. = - 5 points
20. Someone has quoted the “it’s not good for man to be alone” Bible verse to you. = +2 points.
21. When friends invite you to their church they start the invite by listing both the quantity and hotness of the singles that go there. = +1 point
22. That friend was named Jon Acuff and he said, “No one in Atlanta should ever involuntarily remain single with so many awesome single people at North Point Community Church.” (I've said this a lot. My bad.) = + 3 points
23. Your married friends tip toe around you during February because they think you're too delicate to handle the completely made up holiday, Valentine’s Day. = +1 point
24. You are too delicate to handle Valentine’s Day and have been known to describe it with a rich tapestry of words no Christian should even know exist, never mind actually say out loud. = + 1 point
25. The person that leads the singles ministry at your church got married in 1964. = +10 points for each decade they’ve been married.
26. Someone told you, "Maybe you need to focus on being more like a Proverbs 31 woman." = 2 points for each time it wasn't sincere encouragement.
27. You didn't know you were supposed to be unhappy as a single adult until you went to church and found the singles ministry to be akin to a support group. = +3 points
28. Upon hearing that you went on a first date with someone, your single friends at church stop inviting you to the single events because "you're in a relationship already." = +2 points
29. Upon hearing that you went on two dates, your married friends at church start telling you, "I'll be praying that this is the one!" = + 3 points
30. Your best friend of 15 years gets married and then suddenly acts like a magical gap has opened up between you and decides that until you get married too you can't be close again because you just don't understand each other anymore. = +3 points
31. To justify giving a four week marriage sermon series to a congregation that is 60% single, the pastor throws out one blanket statement like this at the beginning of the series, "And you single people listen up to this too, this well serve you well when you get married too." = +2 points
32. You set your alarm to "not going to church today" after the first week of the marriage sermon series. = - 2 points
33. The only time your married friends invite you over is when they need a babysitter. = +3 points
34. Someone throws the "Paul was never married" card on you. = +2 points
35. Friends assume that the only qualification that matters to you when it comes to finding a date is that she's available and set you up with people you have nothing in common with. = +2 points
36. You've ever said the rhyme, "I'm a bachelor til’ the rapture." = - 1 point
37. During a prayer at church celebrating wedding anniversaries, the person praying says a
special prayer for all the people that are still single and lonely. (True story) = +1 point
38. You have a friend that feels like creating a dating profile on eHarmony is a sign that you might not be trusting God enough to provide a soul mate. = + 1 point
39. You've developed highly sensitive, "They're about to throw the bouquet" radar and know exactly when to leave a wedding. = +2 points
40. Instead of saying that you're "single" your friends describe you as "Not married yet." = +2 points
How did you score? Did I miss any? Have you experienced some that just weren't on that list?
Singles of the world unite and post your score proudly and when someone tries to stereotype you, tell them Razzle Dazzle, Razzle Dazzle.
6.01.2009
Day 32 - The Outside of a Horse
"The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man." Winston Churchill
I forgot how right it feels to be on the back of a horse. I went trail riding with a friend of mine yesterday for about an hour and a half. My body hates me (it hurts to sit down) but my heart is satisfied.
I can't honestly remember the last time I went horseback riding. I know it's been at least a couple of years. When you've spent over a decade of your life staring at the world between a horse's ears, two years is a long time to be away. I've never regretted my decision to walk away from something that I thought I would pursue as a profession, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still a part of me - and will always be. I think when you ride for as long as I did, it gets in your blood and in your heart. I think there will come a day when I will ride and show again, but for now I'm content to enjoy it from afar and occasionally hop on a horse every now and then.
The outside of a horse is definitely good for the inside of this woman.
I forgot how right it feels to be on the back of a horse. I went trail riding with a friend of mine yesterday for about an hour and a half. My body hates me (it hurts to sit down) but my heart is satisfied.
I can't honestly remember the last time I went horseback riding. I know it's been at least a couple of years. When you've spent over a decade of your life staring at the world between a horse's ears, two years is a long time to be away. I've never regretted my decision to walk away from something that I thought I would pursue as a profession, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still a part of me - and will always be. I think when you ride for as long as I did, it gets in your blood and in your heart. I think there will come a day when I will ride and show again, but for now I'm content to enjoy it from afar and occasionally hop on a horse every now and then.
The outside of a horse is definitely good for the inside of this woman.
5.12.2009
Day 12
I am a quote fanatic. I have quotes strewn all over the walls of my apartment and I invariably have them plastered wherever I go, whether my office, my kitchen, and occasionally my car has a quote or two. I subscribe to a couple of e-mails that send me daily quotes and I have a thick binder in my apartment with pages upon pages of quotes I have typed up and saved over the years. I love reading other people's thoughts and perspectives on matters - sometimes what they have to say serves as a reminder and sometimes it serves as an inspiration. And sometimes, the quotes just aptly fit what my own heart had been saying and could never quite form on paper for myself. I have come across two such quotes recently that fall into that last category. They have been expressions of ideas and thoughts I had in my own heart, the kind when read them you think, "Man, that's exactly what I was trying to say. They stole my words!"
The first one is by John Eldredge, and if I remember correctly, it's from his book Wild at Heart. I had written this quote down years ago and had it hung on my dorm wall for quite some time. I had a vague recollection of one of the lines the other day and so I went on a mad search to find it because I couldn't remember exactly who had said it or where I had read it. Then I found it in my treasure trove of quotes and papers. I think it summarizes so clearly what the intent of my heart is behind this summer and my decision to get rid of TV, Facebook, music, etc:
If you saw your life as a great battle and you knew you needed time with God for your very survival, you would do it. Maybe not perfectly - nobody ever does and that's not the point anyway - but you would have a reason to seek Him. We give half-hearted attempts at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is "ought" to. But we'll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we're history if we don't. time with God each day is not about academic study or getting through a certain amount of Scriptures or any of that. It's about connecting with God. We've got to keep the lines of communication open, so use whatever helps. The point is simply to do whatever brings me back to my heart and the heart of God.
Whatever it takes. I love that kind of attitude. Sometimes we've got to do whatever it takes to bring us back to the heart of God, even if we look ridiculous to the world in the process. You do it because you're history if you don't.
The second quote is from this fantastic little book I just got done reading called If You Could See Me Now, by Cecelia Ahern, author of P.S. I Love You. I happened to pick it up on a whim at the local library because they didn't have the book I originally wanted to get by her. I had never read any of her stuff before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Here's the summary:
Living in her own house in a small, posh Irish town, 35-year-old Elizabeth Egan is an uptight interior designer and adoptive mother to her six-year-old nephew, Luke, whose mother, Elizabeth's 23-year-old sister, Saoirse, prefers boozing to parenting. Saoirse's behavior reminds Elizabeth of a painful past—the alcoholic mother who abandoned the family, leaving Elizabeth to care for her baby sister and forgo her own childhood, and the emotionally distant, controlling father still waiting for his wife's return. Unlike the other women in her family, Elizabeth adheres to a fastidiously well-ordered existence—no mess, no complications, no love. But all that changes with the arrival of Ivan, a goofy and spontaneous man intent on infusing much-needed fun and tenderness into Elizabeth's frigid persona. The catch is no one can see this ageless man from the land of "Ekam Eveileb" save Elizabeth and her nephew. Through Ivan, Elizabeth becomes the woman she's always been too afraid to be. He helps her reclaim the childhood she never had and, most importantly, to forgive those who have let her down.
It's a wonderfully whimsical story and I'm so glad I picked it up. It took me awhile at first to get into it because I couldn't really see where the story was headed and I had a hard time buying into it, but then it finally reached a point where I could relate on some level and then I was hooked. Part of the story follows Elizabeth as she struggles with who she is and who she is when she's with Ivan. I think I was probably in tears by the time I finally got to the quote that just spoke volumes to my heart:
When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls of the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no on can hear it but you. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white...but that's the thing about love; no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, but when it actually breaks, it's silent, you're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it. But Elizabeth, she saw the heartbreak in me and I saw it in her - it was time to stop walking with our heads in the clouds and instead, keep our feet on the harder soil of ground level we should always have been rooted to.
There's a small part (and for some, a big part) in each of our hearts that has been broken at one point or another. And it can be one of the most painful things to experience because it's like Ahern wrote - it's silent. And nobody else seems to know it but you. And nobody else seems to understand the pain you're going through. But they really do, we just don't always give people a chance to understand, unfortunately. So we keep walking around with the broken pieces of our heart, holding them close, and wondering if they are ever going to heal again.
But, thankfully, there is a God who is is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20)
The first one is by John Eldredge, and if I remember correctly, it's from his book Wild at Heart. I had written this quote down years ago and had it hung on my dorm wall for quite some time. I had a vague recollection of one of the lines the other day and so I went on a mad search to find it because I couldn't remember exactly who had said it or where I had read it. Then I found it in my treasure trove of quotes and papers. I think it summarizes so clearly what the intent of my heart is behind this summer and my decision to get rid of TV, Facebook, music, etc:
If you saw your life as a great battle and you knew you needed time with God for your very survival, you would do it. Maybe not perfectly - nobody ever does and that's not the point anyway - but you would have a reason to seek Him. We give half-hearted attempts at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is "ought" to. But we'll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we're history if we don't. time with God each day is not about academic study or getting through a certain amount of Scriptures or any of that. It's about connecting with God. We've got to keep the lines of communication open, so use whatever helps. The point is simply to do whatever brings me back to my heart and the heart of God.
Whatever it takes. I love that kind of attitude. Sometimes we've got to do whatever it takes to bring us back to the heart of God, even if we look ridiculous to the world in the process. You do it because you're history if you don't.
The second quote is from this fantastic little book I just got done reading called If You Could See Me Now, by Cecelia Ahern, author of P.S. I Love You. I happened to pick it up on a whim at the local library because they didn't have the book I originally wanted to get by her. I had never read any of her stuff before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Here's the summary:
Living in her own house in a small, posh Irish town, 35-year-old Elizabeth Egan is an uptight interior designer and adoptive mother to her six-year-old nephew, Luke, whose mother, Elizabeth's 23-year-old sister, Saoirse, prefers boozing to parenting. Saoirse's behavior reminds Elizabeth of a painful past—the alcoholic mother who abandoned the family, leaving Elizabeth to care for her baby sister and forgo her own childhood, and the emotionally distant, controlling father still waiting for his wife's return. Unlike the other women in her family, Elizabeth adheres to a fastidiously well-ordered existence—no mess, no complications, no love. But all that changes with the arrival of Ivan, a goofy and spontaneous man intent on infusing much-needed fun and tenderness into Elizabeth's frigid persona. The catch is no one can see this ageless man from the land of "Ekam Eveileb" save Elizabeth and her nephew. Through Ivan, Elizabeth becomes the woman she's always been too afraid to be. He helps her reclaim the childhood she never had and, most importantly, to forgive those who have let her down.
It's a wonderfully whimsical story and I'm so glad I picked it up. It took me awhile at first to get into it because I couldn't really see where the story was headed and I had a hard time buying into it, but then it finally reached a point where I could relate on some level and then I was hooked. Part of the story follows Elizabeth as she struggles with who she is and who she is when she's with Ivan. I think I was probably in tears by the time I finally got to the quote that just spoke volumes to my heart:
When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls of the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no on can hear it but you. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white...but that's the thing about love; no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, but when it actually breaks, it's silent, you're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it. But Elizabeth, she saw the heartbreak in me and I saw it in her - it was time to stop walking with our heads in the clouds and instead, keep our feet on the harder soil of ground level we should always have been rooted to.
There's a small part (and for some, a big part) in each of our hearts that has been broken at one point or another. And it can be one of the most painful things to experience because it's like Ahern wrote - it's silent. And nobody else seems to know it but you. And nobody else seems to understand the pain you're going through. But they really do, we just don't always give people a chance to understand, unfortunately. So we keep walking around with the broken pieces of our heart, holding them close, and wondering if they are ever going to heal again.
But, thankfully, there is a God who is is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20)
5.09.2009
Day 9
Whew! What a whirlwind these last few days have been it seems. Students have been packing their bags and moving out, parents have been coming and going, and diplomas have been flying out of the hands of university officials. I stood at the ceremony last night for the Graduate and Adult Studies students and I had this panicked moment where I thought to myself, "Holy schnikes! This is me in a year!" Then at the undergraduate ceremony this morning, I thought to myself, "Holy schnikes! This was me two years ago!" Man, how time flies. I look back and I think about how fast the years of undergrad went and now I stand in the midst of my graduate program thinking how fast this is flying by as well. Always a bittersweet moment.
I wrapped up my application for Africa this week. It's always a scary moment when you read the waiver at the bottom that says you're willing to accept whatever risks associated with this trip, even death. Yikes. Makes you rethink a few things and really makes you consider whether you really want to go through with this or not. But I do. I've wanted to go to Africa for a long time now and the reality is that there will never be a "good time" to go. So often we say "well, someday I'll do this or that" and before you know it, some day has come and gone and you're left wondering what happened. So, no more 'some days' when it comes to me and my thoughts of going to Africa. I sent off the application, now I'll just have to wait and see. It's through the Rafiki Foundation, based in Eustis, Florida. I have some friends that have connections to it and after considering which organization to go with, this seemed like the best choice. They have a focus on serving the needs of people there - and considering there are so many basic needs in Africa not being met, we have to be honest about the fact that the Gospel will never be heard in the lives of people if we can't even meet the simplest needs like clean water and food. It would be a four week trip, possibly longer. My first choice on countries to go to was Kenya, followed by Uganda and Rwanda.
As I've thought about Africa, though, in recent days I was reminded of a quote by Frederick Buechner, who defined vocation as the place where "your deepest gladness meets the world's deepest needs." I can't say that my vocation some day is going to be in Africa or meeting the needs there - I don't know ultimately where I'll end up, as that part of the story is still to be written - but I can't help but think of Africa as a place that has some of the world's deepest needs. But what gladness fills the lives of some of the people there. People, who by American standards, have nothing, but are still laughing in the face of that nothingness. The resiliency of the people there is remarkable. It reminds me of the verses in Proverbs 30:7-8, which says, "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread."
Give me only my daily bread, Lord. This day, Lord, give me only what I need and that is simply more of You.
I wrapped up my application for Africa this week. It's always a scary moment when you read the waiver at the bottom that says you're willing to accept whatever risks associated with this trip, even death. Yikes. Makes you rethink a few things and really makes you consider whether you really want to go through with this or not. But I do. I've wanted to go to Africa for a long time now and the reality is that there will never be a "good time" to go. So often we say "well, someday I'll do this or that" and before you know it, some day has come and gone and you're left wondering what happened. So, no more 'some days' when it comes to me and my thoughts of going to Africa. I sent off the application, now I'll just have to wait and see. It's through the Rafiki Foundation, based in Eustis, Florida. I have some friends that have connections to it and after considering which organization to go with, this seemed like the best choice. They have a focus on serving the needs of people there - and considering there are so many basic needs in Africa not being met, we have to be honest about the fact that the Gospel will never be heard in the lives of people if we can't even meet the simplest needs like clean water and food. It would be a four week trip, possibly longer. My first choice on countries to go to was Kenya, followed by Uganda and Rwanda.
As I've thought about Africa, though, in recent days I was reminded of a quote by Frederick Buechner, who defined vocation as the place where "your deepest gladness meets the world's deepest needs." I can't say that my vocation some day is going to be in Africa or meeting the needs there - I don't know ultimately where I'll end up, as that part of the story is still to be written - but I can't help but think of Africa as a place that has some of the world's deepest needs. But what gladness fills the lives of some of the people there. People, who by American standards, have nothing, but are still laughing in the face of that nothingness. The resiliency of the people there is remarkable. It reminds me of the verses in Proverbs 30:7-8, which says, "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread."
Give me only my daily bread, Lord. This day, Lord, give me only what I need and that is simply more of You.
5.05.2009
Time, Please Don't Have Your Way
I am just crying my eyes out over this blog post by Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick (Beth Moore's daughter) and think you all need to read it. Oh, how it makes me long even more so to go to Africa. To see the people and to meet the needs and to be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone I've never met.
Day 5
Things to do when you have no T.V., internet, or music to listen to:
1.) Defrost your freezer so you can pack more pizza and frozen dinners into it
2.) Work on your budget and set aside money as necessary so that you can actually afford to eat when the dining hall is no longer open
3.) Read books like Distracted by Maggie Jackson (ironic, yes, that I'm reading a book about being distracted)
4.) Send notes to friends and family that you haven't talked to in awhile
5.) Dream of a trip to Africa and how many more shots you are going to have to get before you go
6.) Finish at least one USAToday crossword puzzle - a good dictionary is helpful
7.) Stare at the ceiling
8.) Stare out the window
9.) Stare at the floor and realize how bad you need to vacuum it. But wait - that's right - you don't have a vacuum
10.) Fix things in your apartment, like shower doors and kitchen cupboards
11.) Talk to God
12.) Read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest
13.) Figure out where the best place is on the lake to put a kayak in the water
14.) Bake cupcakes, but only the funfetti kind
15.) Plot out what recipes you are going to make for the summer
16.) Ponder where you want to be in 5 years
17.) Journal - from the simple details to the deeper thoughts like why I can't understand boys
18.) Eat the cupcakes you just baked
19.) Stare at the paintings on your wall and pick apart all the things you think you should change about them
20.) Talk to God some more
1.) Defrost your freezer so you can pack more pizza and frozen dinners into it
2.) Work on your budget and set aside money as necessary so that you can actually afford to eat when the dining hall is no longer open
3.) Read books like Distracted by Maggie Jackson (ironic, yes, that I'm reading a book about being distracted)
4.) Send notes to friends and family that you haven't talked to in awhile
5.) Dream of a trip to Africa and how many more shots you are going to have to get before you go
6.) Finish at least one USAToday crossword puzzle - a good dictionary is helpful
7.) Stare at the ceiling
8.) Stare out the window
9.) Stare at the floor and realize how bad you need to vacuum it. But wait - that's right - you don't have a vacuum
10.) Fix things in your apartment, like shower doors and kitchen cupboards
11.) Talk to God
12.) Read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest
13.) Figure out where the best place is on the lake to put a kayak in the water
14.) Bake cupcakes, but only the funfetti kind
15.) Plot out what recipes you are going to make for the summer
16.) Ponder where you want to be in 5 years
17.) Journal - from the simple details to the deeper thoughts like why I can't understand boys
18.) Eat the cupcakes you just baked
19.) Stare at the paintings on your wall and pick apart all the things you think you should change about them
20.) Talk to God some more
5.02.2009
Day 1
Well, yesterday kicked off the first big day of silence. It was a rather interesting sort of day, as there is a new awareness of the affects (effects? I still have never fully grasped the difference) that silence has on me. I came home from work with plans to put the TV away in the closest and basically clean the place up a bit. I was actually feeling rather energized by the whole idea - I think I thrive a great deal on change and always seem to look forward to it.
So, away went the TV into the closest. I had already packed up my all my music and movies and put those in the closet as well. The only music I left out was a few worship and instrumental CDs I had. After all that disappeared I realized how much space I now I had to work with since there was no longer a TV and TV stand taking it up! I rearranged my furniture and flopped down on the couch and realized how much I'm going to love this little adventure. (And then my back started yelling at me and I was reminded that I shouldn't move furniture that often unless I find some kind of sick happiness by being in chronic pain.)
Apart from the basics, there was this rather terrifying moment I had later on that night. As I've mentioned before, this isn't about taking a hiatus from Facebook, music, TV, etc. just for the sake of taking a hiatus. I've realized over the course of the past several months that certain areas of my life had become somewhat of a mess, mainly my personal relationship with the Lord - and that needed to change. So, it's ultimately readjusting my focus, placing it once again on the One person who should always have my attention - Jesus Christ.
Anyway - all that to say, when I sat down on the couch last night with my Bible, I just kept staring at it, but not opening it. I'd run my thumbs over the gilded edges, listening to the soft flicker of the pages, but still not crack wide the spine of the book. Then it dawned on me: I am absolutely terrified of what I will find on its pages. Because deep down, I ultimately know that the words found on the pages of Scripture are all about change. You can't read such a book and not be changed. You can't read the words of God speaking to his people and not be changed. Your heart is eventually going to crack. And then melt. And then be reshaped. And that's what scares me. So while I might be energized by change more often than not, the times when I'm not, I'm paralyzed by it.
But I finally flipped open, not having a clue where to begin. I managed to find my way to the pages of Isaiah, beginning at chapter 1. I read through the first chapter, but went back and stopped at verses 16 and 17. "Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" What struck me most about these verses was the phrase stop doing wrong, learn to do right. You see, there are certain bad habits that we have just got to STOP. Now. No questions asked. Just quit. We can walk away from wrong in a moment. But doing what is right? Ahhhh, there's the hard part - that must be learned. As human beings, we have a penchant for doing what is wrong. We have a sinful nature in us that naturally gravitates toward that which is wrong or immoral. But learning to do what is right implies time and process. Learning to do what is right implies a series of events that eventually bring us to where we need to be. Learning to do what is right implies that wrongs will be made so that we know better what is right. Learning to do what is right doesn't happen over night.
And that's what frustates us. That's what frustrates me. I want to do what is right now. I don't want to have to go through the agony of making mistakes and hurting myself or grieving the heart of God. I want to wave my magic wand and just do whatever it is that I need to do.
But what is right? Well, the overly simplified answer to that is whatever God does is right. Psalm 31:1 says "Save me, for you do what is right." But that's pretty all-encompassing and doesn't really give us tangibles. Tucked away in the pages of the Bible, though, in a book that isn't accessed that often is this gem of a verse in Micah: The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." I also love how the Message version words it: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."
That's what doing right is, at least a part of it. We've got set our sights on God if we have any hopes of doing what is right and humbly obeying him.
So, away went the TV into the closest. I had already packed up my all my music and movies and put those in the closet as well. The only music I left out was a few worship and instrumental CDs I had. After all that disappeared I realized how much space I now I had to work with since there was no longer a TV and TV stand taking it up! I rearranged my furniture and flopped down on the couch and realized how much I'm going to love this little adventure. (And then my back started yelling at me and I was reminded that I shouldn't move furniture that often unless I find some kind of sick happiness by being in chronic pain.)
Apart from the basics, there was this rather terrifying moment I had later on that night. As I've mentioned before, this isn't about taking a hiatus from Facebook, music, TV, etc. just for the sake of taking a hiatus. I've realized over the course of the past several months that certain areas of my life had become somewhat of a mess, mainly my personal relationship with the Lord - and that needed to change. So, it's ultimately readjusting my focus, placing it once again on the One person who should always have my attention - Jesus Christ.
Anyway - all that to say, when I sat down on the couch last night with my Bible, I just kept staring at it, but not opening it. I'd run my thumbs over the gilded edges, listening to the soft flicker of the pages, but still not crack wide the spine of the book. Then it dawned on me: I am absolutely terrified of what I will find on its pages. Because deep down, I ultimately know that the words found on the pages of Scripture are all about change. You can't read such a book and not be changed. You can't read the words of God speaking to his people and not be changed. Your heart is eventually going to crack. And then melt. And then be reshaped. And that's what scares me. So while I might be energized by change more often than not, the times when I'm not, I'm paralyzed by it.
But I finally flipped open, not having a clue where to begin. I managed to find my way to the pages of Isaiah, beginning at chapter 1. I read through the first chapter, but went back and stopped at verses 16 and 17. "Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" What struck me most about these verses was the phrase stop doing wrong, learn to do right. You see, there are certain bad habits that we have just got to STOP. Now. No questions asked. Just quit. We can walk away from wrong in a moment. But doing what is right? Ahhhh, there's the hard part - that must be learned. As human beings, we have a penchant for doing what is wrong. We have a sinful nature in us that naturally gravitates toward that which is wrong or immoral. But learning to do what is right implies time and process. Learning to do what is right implies a series of events that eventually bring us to where we need to be. Learning to do what is right implies that wrongs will be made so that we know better what is right. Learning to do what is right doesn't happen over night.
And that's what frustates us. That's what frustrates me. I want to do what is right now. I don't want to have to go through the agony of making mistakes and hurting myself or grieving the heart of God. I want to wave my magic wand and just do whatever it is that I need to do.
But what is right? Well, the overly simplified answer to that is whatever God does is right. Psalm 31:1 says "Save me, for you do what is right." But that's pretty all-encompassing and doesn't really give us tangibles. Tucked away in the pages of the Bible, though, in a book that isn't accessed that often is this gem of a verse in Micah: The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." I also love how the Message version words it: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."
That's what doing right is, at least a part of it. We've got set our sights on God if we have any hopes of doing what is right and humbly obeying him.
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