Walking Through the Doors

Sometimes I think more than I should.  It's a dangerous habit.  Then I think about what I think about, which is really dangerous.  I get to overanalyzing and second-guessing, questioning and wondering.  And by the time I'm done with the conversation I'm having with myself, I'm inevitably back to where I began. 

I have found that to be most true as I have reflected on the possibilities of my future, particularly in regards to Africa.  I feel this compelling need to figure it all out now - to determine now whether I'm going to spend the rest of my life there or at least a good portion of it.  This compelling need to determine now which organization to go with and why.  This compelling need to determine now exactly in what capacity I could serve. 

But you know the one thing God keeps telling me?  Walk through the doors as they open.  I don't need to figure it all out now.  I just need to walk through the doors that open.  I need to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. 

I remember Beth Moore saying one time, speaking about God's will - it is a progressive will, one that is revealed over time.  God slowly sheds light on what his plans are for our lives, day by day he pulls back the curtain and says, 'This is your next step.  This the next right thing to do.  Go, do that. Quit overanalyzing, quit worrying about planning every nanosecond of your life from now until you die."  I've needed that reminded here lately, when I get so caught up in worrying about what God's plans are for my life, both in the short- and long-term. 

Right now, those next steps are to go back to Kenya next summer.  That is what's next.  That's what I know right now.  That's the light he's given me. 

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

I need to trust that word and keep walking down the path, walking through the doors that he opens.

Through This, I've Been Reminded

Relationships are funny things.  I suppose if you stopped and thought about it long enough, the fact that any two human beings can ever make any friendship or relationship work really does seem a bit absurd.  I mean, sometimes I think it's downright crazy.  Putting two sinful people together and saying, "Go, be a reflection of Christ."  Hm.  Easier said than done.

What I've really been reminded of lately, though, is ultimately how I see Christ through my relationship with Nick.  On numerous occasions the Lord has brought to mind things where he just gently says, "Okay - see this?  That's a reflection of me, that's meant to be a reminder of me, a reminder of what I feel for you."  I finally just had to make a list because I had way too many thoughts floating around in my head and I didn't want them to escape.  My relationship with Nick has been so sweet and I'm ever so grateful for him, for a variety of reasons, but God continually pulls back the curtain, reminding me of what it could like if we stop pursuing Him, if we get caught up in our own wants and needs.

I've been reminded that the other person will never full satisfy me and meet all of my expectations.  And when he doesn't, Christ will.

I've been reminded that if our hope is in the other person a vast majority of the time and he doesn't fulfill that hope, Christ will.

I've been reminded that when we make an idol out of the other person or worship how he makes us feel, we'll wake up one day and realize he can never save me.  Christ does.

I've been reminded that if we do not first have a life story, one that is intertwined with Christ, then when our love story happens, we will have no identity apart from that person.  Christ must be our identity.

I've been reminded that while our longings and desires can be true and pure, if they are not kept in check, we'll be left with nothing but lust and lies, deceived by our own wants.  Those longings can neither be revered nor condemned, but must be thought about rightly in reference to Christ.  He is to be our ultimate longing.

I've been reminded that if our relationship does not ultimately reflect Christ and his church, then it's time to reevaluate and set aright that which is wrong.  The world is watching and waiting for us to make a wrong move - let's not give them a reason to find fault.  Christ is the mirror we must reflect.

I've been reminded that if a man - a mere human - can feel this way about me, then doesn't Christ feel that way even more so?  And if somebody longs to lavish their love on me, then doesn't Christ wish to do even more?

I've been reminded that if a man declares to me that I am beautiful or wanted, should I not take him at his word?  And if God declares the same, should I not believe him even more so? We insult both and foster unbelief when we are quick to brush off that which is spoken.  If he says it's true, what further proof or evidence do I need?

I've been reminded that God calls us to be like him, in whatever medium we find ourselves.  It is not wrong to want or need another human being, to enjoy him, to love him, to be grateful.  God gives us those desires and they are good.  But they are not the bottom line.  Christ is.     

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

The Things I Used to Think

You know how sometimes the sun's rays will shine through a bank of clouds, leaving part of the land covered in light and the rest covered in shadows? 

I used to think wherever those rays landed, those were the only people God spoke to. 

And you know how some vehicles have an emergency brake handle in the center console?

I used to think if you pulled the handle the seats would eject.

And radios - you know how the song changes every few minutes?

I used to think a new band would literally set up of their instruments in a room at the radio station.  I could never figure out how they could change things so quickly in between songs.

The things I used to think.

Don't ask me how my childish mind came up with those things.  Somehow or another, we come up with outlandish notions as children because in our little minds, they make sense to us.

But now I know.

Where the sun's rays fall can't limit to whom God speaks.

Because now I know He's bigger than that.

And I'm not going to die when I pull the emergency brake and get catapulted out of my car.

Because  now I know emergency brakes are more about my safety.

And the wonders of technology means Brad Paisley isn't scrambling to get his band out of the way in order for Rascal Flatts to play their next song.

Because now I know. 

I love how the pastor Isaac Anderson said it in a sermon once about becoming disillusioned with God.  He said, "Maybe we need to set aside whatever notions we might have of who we think God is in order to go in search of a God worth finding.  A God that is big enough, and mysterious enough, a God who isn't so much worthy of our disinterest, but worthy of our devotion."

There are a lot of things I used to think were right and true, some silly, some not so silly.  I'm a little older and a little wiser.  I'm grateful that God is the kind of God that doesn't leave us alone at the crossroads of things we used to think and things we now know.  We're always learning, always growing - sometimes it's not easy and sometimes I think it would be easier to go back to thinking the things I used to think.

But now I know.