Don't Wait to Celebrate

Years ago, I dated this one particular boy. We’ll call him John for the sake of protecting the innocent even though that’s not his real name. John and I met through church, and since I had practically no social media accounts by then, the poor boy had to resort to sending me a message on LinkedIn, the lone account I had left, since there was basically no other means of getting in touch with me. We eventually started dating, and around the 6-month mark, we found ourselves in a fairly deep discussion late one night about the future of our relationship. He already had us on the train to marriage, while I was still trying to decide if I was even at the right depot. I had been pretty deeply marked by a previous relationship from college, one I thought I had gotten over. The realization that I hadn’t came fast and furious when John asked that night, “Are you wishing he was here with you tonight instead of me?”

It was like a bomb exploded in my chest when he uttered that question.

I realized in that moment – while unintentional – I had been holding on to a life I thought I would have, a life with this other boy who had made it clear years ago it wasn’t mean to be. But my heart clearly never got quite that message. So all that time I had been waiting to celebrate, waiting to celebrate this life I thought I would have instead of the life I had been given. It was costing me, and not just with John, but in so many other ways in my life.

Jay and Katherine Wolf know what it looks like to live a life they never thought they’d have. In 2008, Katherine suffered a massive brain stem stroke at twenty-six years old. Jay was in law school, their son was six months old, and Katherine was pursuing a career in modeling. Life forever changed that one day in 2008. She was not expected to live through the stroke, let alone recover. She did both. In 2016, they released their book Hope Heals, which shined a light on all that had happened between Katherine’s stroke and their present life. They shared the struggles and challenges of having to cope with this drastic and dramatic shift in their lives – rehab, surgeries, doctors, hospitals, medications, setbacks, and uncertainties. Who ever plans for such things? The Wolfs sure didn’t.

In the midst of it all, they tied a knot on the end of their rope that led to Jesus and chose to cling to him.  Jay wrote at one point, “Don’t wait to celebrate the life you’ve been given even if it looks different from the one you thought you’d have.” Jay and Katherine learned to celebrate the life they’d been given – even one filled with tremendous suffering and pain – despite the fact it looked different from the one they thought they’d have.

We have the same choice standing before us. Even if it’s sheer grit and determination that gets us through, we have to learn to celebrate the life we have right before us.

Maybe your boss drives you crazy, and maybe you got overlooked for that promotion, and maybe you’re sick of the daily grind, and the rat race, and the hour-long commute for a job that is nothing but a dead-end.

Don’t wait to celebrate the job you’ve been given even if looks different from the one you thought you’d have.

Maybe your family is dysfunctional and broken, and maybe you aren’t on speaking terms with your siblings or your parents, and maybe they’ve said things that hurt you and you’re not sure you’re ever going to recover from the pain, and maybe your childhood was a complete train wreck.

Don’t wait to celebrate the family you’ve been given even if they look different from the one you thought you’d have.

Maybe your spouse drives you crazy, and maybe he forgets to do things you’ve asked him to do a million times over, and maybe he doesn’t love you the way you think he should, and maybe he’s let you down more times than you care to count, and maybe you’re not sure how you ever got so far left-of-center from your vows.

Don’t wait to celebrate the spouse you’ve been given even if he looks different from the one you thought you’d have.

Maybe you’re single and have been for years or decades, and you’re not sure there’s anyone on the horizon (or ever will be), and maybe you’re tired of Friday nights (and Saturdays, and Sundays, and Mondays, and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and Thursdays) alone, and maybe you’re worn out from rolling over in bed every day only to realize there’s no one else staring back.

Don’t wait to celebrate the singleness you’ve been given even if it looks different from the marriage you thought you’d have.

Maybe your body is aging and it’s not doing what you want it do, and maybe disease has showed up on your doorstep, and maybe you’re not as fit as you want to be, and maybe the joints creak a little more and the eyesight is failing, and maybe that injury from all those years ago is haunting you on an all-too-regular basis.

Don’t wait to celebrate the body you’ve been given even if it looks different from the one you thought you’d have.

Don’t wait to celebrate the life you have been given even if it looks different from the one you thought you’d have because that’s just it – it’s the life you’ve been given. For whatever reason, God in his sovereignty and wisdom, elected to give you the life you have. It’s the life he entrusted to you.

We’ve got to do the hard work of narrowing the gap between the life we imagined and the life we already have. Because the space in between is where disappointment dwells, and if we willingly let the chasm grow too wide between the two, then we also allow the disappointment to grow and sink roots. And once disappointment sinks roots, it’s tough to rip it out without doing irreparable harm to the soil of hearts and minds.

Paul says in Romans 5:3-5, “We also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."  I can promise you if you are ever disappointed then it was because you were holding on to a misplaced and misguided hope, a hope rooted in something other than Jesus Christ. Misguided and misplaced hope always disappoints. Always, always, always, without fail.   If we are putting our hopes in our jobs, our spouses (or the idea of a someday-one), our families, our bodies, our governments, our culture, our laws, our children – then we are bound to be disappointed eventually. Those things weren’t designed to hold up underneath the weight of our expectations. We’ll crush both them and ourselves in the process if we don’t relieve the pressure of those expectations.

Look, I’m not saying we become eternal pessimists and resign ourselves to becoming the human version of Eeyore, and we wander around wondering where our tails went. And I’m not saying we settle for mediocrity and become apathetic doormats. What I am saying, however, is that we’ve got to hold loosely to these ideas of what we thought our lives would look like. Because if we’re not careful we will reach the end of our lives and realize we failed to celebrate a single thing we had been given because we were too hung up on what we had not been given. That’s a life wasted right there.

Celebrate the life you’ve been given – in all its broken and messy glory. Celebrate the family that just can’t quite figure out how to be normal, whatever normal means anymore. Celebrate the job that feels like a grind. Celebrate the spouse that is still standing next to you even though you want to clock him for leaving his socks on the floor yet again. Celebrate the marriage, the singleness, the children, the house, the apartment, the good, the bad, the hard, the suffering, the sadness.  Find the good in these things. Find the joy in these things. Fight for the joy. (Make no mistake, it is a fight to find joy and celebrate.) Believe the best in the people around you.

But don’t make those people your hope. That’s what Jesus is for.

When you make Jesus your only hope, you can celebrate the life you’ve been given.

Even if it looks different from the one you thought you’d have.

The Definition of Insanity

Someone recently told me I was the definition of insanity.

How kind of him.  Such a good friend.

I was having a conversation with this someone, a friend of mine from college, about a month ago.  Our decade-long friendship has been a bit of a rocky road, usually entailing telling the other person what they need to hear and not what they want to hear.  It hasn't always gone over well.  But there are those rare moments when he manages to make a statement I actually happen to agree with.

This was not one of those moments.

We were discussing over the phone our dating lives - and sometimes the lack of.  We weighed the value of online dating - the pros, cons and pitfalls - and discussed his seemingly effortless ability to get a date and my utter indifference to even exerting the effort to get a date.  (He is a highly social and extroverted character, so introverts such as myself are quite a mystery to him.)

At which point he told me I was the definition of insanity.  Meaning I keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  And in his words, it meant unless I want to marry the UPS man, I'm going to have to make more of an effort and change my game plan.

I had no snappy comeback so I just went silent. Quite frankly, I was too annoyed, angry and defensive.  The comment stung and no rational thoughts were coming to my brain.

And maybe the comment stung because there was a tiny bit of truth to it.  Yes, I probably am the definition of insanity on occasion, and not just in the realm of dating.  I'll own that.

But as I pondered that thought in recent weeks, what I really should have said and wish I would have said back to him in that moment was this:

If marriage were my number one goal in life, then, yes, I am the definition of insanity.  Lock me up, put me in a straight jacket and give me my meds.

But because Jesus is the goal, I have been set free. My life does not hinge on whether or not I am married.  It does not hinge on whether or not I have hit a certain quota of dates per week, per month, per lifetime, per whatever.  It does not hinge on whether I have an online profile with eHarmony. com, match.com or christianmingle.com.  It does not hinge on whether or not the UPS man ever shows up on my doorstep and it does not hinge on whether or not anybody ever puts a ring on my finger and says to me, "I do."

It hinges on Jesus only.

He is the goal.

And that's all I need to know.  Are there times when I was wish there was a boyfriend or husband by my side?  Of course. There is no doubt a longing deep in my heart for that.

But my world has not, is not, will not come tumbling down around me in the absence of that.

I will not strive (see #5 here) and fight my way through this world in search of someone to fill a gap that only Jesus can.  I get the sweet freedom of resting in his sovereignty and chasing after Him.

So, if that makes me the definition of insanity - then I'll gladly move to the front of the line.            

Sucker for a Good Love Letter

I am always a sucker for a good love note. Does my heart a world of good. They make bad days better and they make good days the best.

And clearly I like to hang on to them for decades at a time when a good one comes along - as evidenced by the one I found today while on a cleaning spree.

I received this particular love note while at Camp Kirkwood one year.  I might have been maybe 11-12 years old, 13 at the oldest.  I had definitely noticed this particular boy, Nick.  And while he had noticed me, he obviously had not taken the time to learn my name or at least ask around.  But we were 12, so I probably should let the boy off the hook.  He simply wrote,

Dear Girl, 

Sorry I don't know your name.  Please meet me at the grill today at lunch.  I am kind of shy, but give me a chance and I'll come through.  At the camp fire, I was riding the guys back [I really have no idea if that's what that particular sentence says - it's the best I can make out.  Maybe "writing" the guys back?] I hope you saw me.  We'll I guess I have to go. 

With hope you'll meet me, 

Nme [his initials]

P.S. I'm not the best spellor spelor speer.  Whatever."

And on the backside of the note, he wrote and then crossed out:

One more thing.  I'm not some preppy morane.  Just thought you should know. 

Several things to note:

1) You're right, NME.  You are a terrible speller.  I apparently couldn't get past poor writing and grammar skills, even at such a young age. I still have troubles with that today when a guy doesn't write well...  

2) I never went to meet NME at the grill at lunch that day.  Or any day, a fact which I have often lamented because I had a serious crush on that kid.  I was just too chicken.  And shy.  We at least had that in common.  He obviously had more guts than I did because he at least bothered to write a note.  Even if he didn't know my name.  

3) I'm glad to know you're not a preppy moron.  Again, I clearly couldn't get past the bad spelling of "moron," however.

4) I'm not telling you, my readers, his full name because I know you all - you would immediately go and google him.  No chance.

5) NME, I'm sorry to have dashed your hopes.  I hope I didn't scar you for life, though.  Kids are resilient, so I'm sure you made a quick recovery.  And I hope you eventually found a girl who would meet you at the grill.  

Thank you, Marshall Segal

As I've mentioned before, this season of life has been all too-sweet for me.  Not because it has been without hard moments, but because it has been so satisfying.  Like deep-down-in-your-gut kind of satisfying.  I'm not one of those girls who laments being single.  I love being single.  And I'm sure one day I'll love being married.    They both have their benefits.  But I don't mourn being single.  I don't wish it away and I don't resent it.  It just is.  And I'm going to enjoy it in the meantime and soak it up.

Marshall Segal echoed those thoughts in his latest blog post on the Desiring God blog.  I think he spoke a lot of wisdom and a lot of truth for those that are not-yet-married.  I remember Jason Illian saying in his book Undressed: Singleness is not a disease and marriage is not the cure.  Amen to that.  Enjoy Marshall's blog and be encouraged, those who are not-yet-married.

If you’re single, Satan is after you.

Okay, he’s after all of us, but there are some unique dangers in singleness — especially in unwanted singleness. He loves to deceive and discourage single people in the church and derail our devotion and ministry. But God intends to use you, your faith, your time, and your singleness in radical ways right now, as you are.

You might come away from a reading of 1 Corinthians 7 with two categories in mind: those who will live, serve, and die single and those who must marry. Paul sings singleness’s praises, listing the spiritual benefits of being spouse-free. The single life can be (relatively) free from relational anxieties (7:32), worldly distractions (7:33), and wide open for worship, devotion, and ministry (7:35). So, Paul concludes, skip the ceremony, literally, and enjoy “your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Most say, “More power to you, Paul… but I’m getting married.” Maybe temptation overwhelms you, and you need a God-honoring way to satisfy that longing (7:2). Maybe it’s abundantly clear that you need a helper to carry out God’s call on your life (or it’s abundantly clear to others that you do). Maybe you want to have kids and realized that you need help with that. Maybe you just have a deep, undeniable desire for a loving, committed companion. In each case, it is good for you to get married.

While it may seem like two categories at first, we soon discover in application that there are three: the single, the married, and the not-yet married. After all, as any single person knows, a desire for marriage does not a marriage make. My hope in reflecting on Paul’s words is to restore hope and ambition in the hearts of the not-yet married and set them solidly on mission in their singleness.
All Dressed Up and Everywhere to Go

Perhaps the greatest temptation in singleness is to assume marriage will meet our unmet needs, solve our weaknesses, organize our lives, and unleash our gifts. Far from the solution, Paul makes marriage out to be a kind of problematic Plan B of Christian life and ministry. Marry if you must, but be warned, following Jesus is not easier when you join yourself to another sinner in a fallen world.

While marriage may bring joy, help, and relief in certain areas, it immediately multiplies your distractions because you’re intimately responsible for this other person, his or her needs, dreams, and growth. It’s a high calling and a good calling, but a demanding one that will keep you from all kinds of other good things.

Therefore, for the not-yet married, our (temporary) singleness is a gift. It really is. If God leads you to marriage, you may never again know a time like the one you’re in right now. A season of singleness is not merely the minor leagues of marriage. It has the potential to be a unique period of undivided devotion to Christ and undistracted ministry to others.

With the Spirit in you and the calendar clear, God has given you the means to make a lasting difference for his kingdom. You’re all dressed up, having every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3), with literally everywhere to go.

With God’s help and leading, you have the freedom to invest yourself, your time, your resources, your youth, and your flexibility in relationships, ministries, and causes that can bear unbelievable fruit.

So, here are eight suggestions for making the most of your not-yet married life.

1. Avoid Trading Marital Distractions for Other Distractions
Paul may have been right about our freedom from spousal concerns, but in an iPhone, iPad, iPod, whatever iWant world, single people never have trouble finding their share of diversions. In fact, if you’re like me, you crave diversion and tend to default there, whether it’s SportsCenter, Downton Abbey, working out, fancy eating, endless blogging and blog-reading, surveying social media, or conquering the latest game. We might call it resting, but too often it looks, smells, and sounds a lot like we’re wasting our singleness.

“Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Everything just mentioned can be done for God’s glory, and it all can be a dangerous distraction from it. If you deny the latter, you may need to put down the smartphone, controller, or treadmill.

Look for ways Satan might be undermining your mission with short and simple pleasures. You may not need to eliminate it, but limit it and look for ways to welcome others into your life through it. Be creative and make disciples over college basketball, cooking, or Call of Duty, rather than going AWOL from God’s mission because of them.

2. Say “Yes” to the Spontaneous
It’s just a fact, marriage murders spontaneity — not entirely, but massively. If you haven’t learned this yet, I doubt any of your (formerly spontaneous) friends have gotten married.

One of your greatest spiritual gifts as a single person is your “Yes.” Yes to a random phone conversation. Yes to coffee. Yes to help with the move. Yes to stepping in when someone’s sick. Yes to a late-night movie or the special event downtown. You have the unbelievable freedom to say yes when married people can’t even ask the question. When the spouse doesn’t exist, you can’t hurt them with your selfless, impulsive decisions. Be willing to say Yes! and bless others, even when you don’t always feel like it.

3. Practice Selflessness While You’re Still Alone
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3–4 will only get harder in marriage, so practice now.

Think of a couple people or families for whom you could lay down your single life. No one is expecting you to care and provide for others right now — no one, that is, except for God. So be mindful of the needs of others, especially those in the church, and consider contributing. It could be money or food or just time and energy. Maybe especially time and energy. Regardless of your paycheck, you have been given much. Spend it wisely and liberally on the needs of others.

Financially, you’re supporting just one person. Sure, save modestly for days when you’ll need more, but while you wait, look for ways to provide for others. While you’re not buying groceries for five, dinner for two, and endless diapers, budget to bless and develop attitudes and habits of sacrifice for others. It will serve your future spouse immensely and make Jesus shine beautifully to those around you in the meantime.

4. Do Radical, Time-Consuming Things for God
Just as you are free to say yes to more spontaneous things, you’re also able to say yes to things that require more of you than a married person can afford. Dream bigger, more costly dreams. Start a daily prayer meeting or some regular outreach. Commit to multiple discipleship relationships. Organize a new Christ-centered community service project. Do all of the above. You’d be surprised, with God’s Spirit in you and a resolve to spend your singleness well, how much you and your single friends are truly capable of, especially when you dream and work together.

Be radical, but not reckless. The idea is not to spread yourself dangerously thin, so make decisions prayerfully and in community with people who love you and can tell you, “No.” My perception, however, is that most not-yet-married believers can afford to give or do more than they are.

5. Spend Time with Married People
The longer you’re not-yet-married, the more time you have to learn about marriage from other people’s successes and failures. While you can’t avoid your own set of marital missteps and sins, you certainly can increase the odds of successes, small and large, by being a good student beforehand.

Look for opportunities to be a regular part of a married person’s life and family. If you’re not around enough to see any ugliness or messiness, perhaps you’re not around enough. Don’t impose on people, but don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation, either. It could be as simple as having lunch with them after church on Sundays. Make it easy for them to say yes by being a willing and eager servant. Offer to babysit on date night or help with yard work or bring a meal when one of the kids goes down sick.

Then be a student. Watch carefully. Ask questions. Take notes on what to imitate. In all your observations, be humble and gracious (if you could see your future marriage, this would be less of an issue). As our minds and hearts are being shaped by Scripture for marriage, we need examples of flawed but faithful marriages. These kinds of ongoing relationships make the principles and lessons real and repeatable.

6. Spend Time with Not-Yet Married People
While married people provide an important perspective and example, you need people in your life who are experiencing the same feelings, longings, and temptations you are. You should find and invest in people who are asking the same questions as you and also seeking to make the most of this unique season of singleness for Jesus’s sake.

Think about it, though he was never married, Paul did most of his ministry with someone. Find the trusted, gifted, and mission-minded friends in your life and be accountable to one another to make your not-yet married life matter for the kingdom. Following Christ was never meant to be done alone, even when you’re single.

7. Find a Fiancé on the Front Lines
Instead of making it your mission to get married, make your mission God’s global cause and the advance of the gospel where you are, and look for someone pursuing the same. If you’re hoping to marry someone who passionately loves Jesus and makes him known, it’s probably best to put yourself in a community of people committed to that.

Join a small group, not just a group of single Christians, but one actively on mission together. Get plugged into a ministry in your church that’s engaging the lost in the local community. Focus on the harvest, and you’re bound to find a helper.

8. While You Wait, Hope in Jesus More Than Marriage
Make it true first. Spend lots of time satisfying your soul in all that God has become for you in Jesus. Then be bold to say it when all anyone wants to talk about is your love life. “So, any women in your life these days?” “Are the two of you an item?” “She’s a really great girl. What do you think about her?” “Would you be willing to go on a date with my wife’s cousin’s roommate’s brother?” Married people have lines, too.

Use the awkward small talk as an opportunity to point them to the Groom who purchased your eternal happiness whether in life or in death, in sickness or in health, whether in matrimony or “on the market.”

So when you feel lonely or discouraged in your singleness, remember that if you’re saved, you’re sent. Instead of waiting until your wedding day to get about the work, make the most of this not-yet-married life.

Sweeter Seasons

Some seasons of life are just too sweet to not relish and revel in.  This has been one of those seasons for me.  Maybe not in its entirety, but at least in parts.  

I was re-reading journals from one year ago and I was so overwhelmed by the extravagant grace God had lavished on my life.  It's absurd, really.  I look back over entries from a year ago - a lot of uncertainty about a lot of things, praying for Jesus to show up. Man, did he ever.  And in ways that I didn't even recognize in the moment, but now see so clearly in hindsight.  In my job.  In my adventures to Kenya.  In relationships.  In dreams.  Every prayer I had written down from a year ago, he had clearly answered.     

One reason this season has been so sweet and tender for me is because I have been given a front row seat to the unfolding love stories of three very important women in my life.  I have never been one to be prone to a lot of loneliness or to ever really resent being single.  But that's not to say that I wouldn't hope to someday be married.  It's just that my identity and purpose in life do not hinge on that event.  Whether God ordains some man to come along and be my partner or not will not diminish my pursuit of Him.  But the hard moments have come nonetheless when I would watch other people's stories unfolding and think, "Why them and not me?"  The bitterness and resentment would creep in and I'd find myself forgetting all that God had bestowed upon me. Utter foolishness.  One time in particular was especially difficult.  I watched God pour out blessing after blessing after blessing on one friend.  And I almost missed it all.  I sometimes got so bound up in my own little mind, comparing myself to her, that I nearly missed the opportunity and the privilege to simply celebrate with her and alongside her.  I vowed to never miss opportunities like that again, to not get so consumed by what I didn't have and miss what I did have.  

So in this season when I have a string of friends getting engaged and married, not an ounce of resentment or jealousy has risen in my heart because Jesus has set me free.  Free to celebrate with these amazing women.  Free to enjoy them and to celebrate their stories.  Free to serve them and encourage them in dating, engagement, in marriage.  Just simply free.  Such sweetness and gratitude over that fact.

I was honored to serve as a bridesmaid in my dear friend Emily's wedding a week ago.  And I loved it.  I loved standing up on that stage and hear her singing "in Christ alone, my hope is found..."  Because I know what Em has been through.  We've walked through a lot of seasons together, a lot of seasons of singleness, and I know what the good days have looked like and I know what the bad days have looked like.  I know the smiley days and I know the ugly-cry days.  I know the hope and the longing for someone else to enter into our fears and insecurities and to say "You don't have to face this alone anymore..."  I know when she sings those words, she may be holding the hand of a man she is absolutely wild about, but she is still confidently saying that in Christ alone her hope is found.  

These are the seasons and the friends and the stories I don't want to miss.  What sweet freedom is found in Him.    

           

Through This, I've Been Reminded

Relationships are funny things.  I suppose if you stopped and thought about it long enough, the fact that any two human beings can ever make any friendship or relationship work really does seem a bit absurd.  I mean, sometimes I think it's downright crazy.  Putting two sinful people together and saying, "Go, be a reflection of Christ."  Hm.  Easier said than done.

What I've really been reminded of lately, though, is ultimately how I see Christ through my relationship with Nick.  On numerous occasions the Lord has brought to mind things where he just gently says, "Okay - see this?  That's a reflection of me, that's meant to be a reminder of me, a reminder of what I feel for you."  I finally just had to make a list because I had way too many thoughts floating around in my head and I didn't want them to escape.  My relationship with Nick has been so sweet and I'm ever so grateful for him, for a variety of reasons, but God continually pulls back the curtain, reminding me of what it could like if we stop pursuing Him, if we get caught up in our own wants and needs.

I've been reminded that the other person will never full satisfy me and meet all of my expectations.  And when he doesn't, Christ will.

I've been reminded that if our hope is in the other person a vast majority of the time and he doesn't fulfill that hope, Christ will.

I've been reminded that when we make an idol out of the other person or worship how he makes us feel, we'll wake up one day and realize he can never save me.  Christ does.

I've been reminded that if we do not first have a life story, one that is intertwined with Christ, then when our love story happens, we will have no identity apart from that person.  Christ must be our identity.

I've been reminded that while our longings and desires can be true and pure, if they are not kept in check, we'll be left with nothing but lust and lies, deceived by our own wants.  Those longings can neither be revered nor condemned, but must be thought about rightly in reference to Christ.  He is to be our ultimate longing.

I've been reminded that if our relationship does not ultimately reflect Christ and his church, then it's time to reevaluate and set aright that which is wrong.  The world is watching and waiting for us to make a wrong move - let's not give them a reason to find fault.  Christ is the mirror we must reflect.

I've been reminded that if a man - a mere human - can feel this way about me, then doesn't Christ feel that way even more so?  And if somebody longs to lavish their love on me, then doesn't Christ wish to do even more?

I've been reminded that if a man declares to me that I am beautiful or wanted, should I not take him at his word?  And if God declares the same, should I not believe him even more so? We insult both and foster unbelief when we are quick to brush off that which is spoken.  If he says it's true, what further proof or evidence do I need?

I've been reminded that God calls us to be like him, in whatever medium we find ourselves.  It is not wrong to want or need another human being, to enjoy him, to love him, to be grateful.  God gives us those desires and they are good.  But they are not the bottom line.  Christ is.     

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

In Two Days

In two days, my brother will stand in front of friends and family make a covenant with the woman he loves.

In two days, my brother will slip a ring on Megan's finger and vow to love her until his dying breath.

In two days, my brother will make a decision that will forever change his life.

In two days, my brother will stand before a holy and gracious God and pledge he will honor and cherish the King's daughter with every fiber of his being, no matter the cost.

It's a hefty decision.  Apart from accepting Christ, I'd say it's the most important decision a person can ever make in his or her lifetime.   

But you know what's really mind-boggling about those moments?  They are mere reflections.  Mere reflections of what Christ desires for His Church, his own bride.  But you know what I also really love about those moments?  It reminds me that God is for us.  He is for marriage.  He is for purity.  He is for covenant relationships.  He is in favor of those things that ultimately reflect Him.

One of the poems that I absolutely love is called "Dear Bride to Be" by Beth Moore.  I don't know where I first encountered it, but I think I have given a copy of it to nearly every friend I have that has recently gotten married.  In my mind, it captures God's deepest desires for our marriages.

Josh and Megan - this is my prayer for you.

Come to Me, dear bride to be
And kneel before My throne,
And I will share My heart with you
And make your house a home.
Listen well, lean closely,
There are secrets at My feet.
The marriage you will soon begin
This Bridegroom will complete.
The man with whom you’ll journey
Is your wedding gift from me
To teach you things beyond this world,
A precious mystery.
For through your union I will choose to teach you of myself
Let him hold you tightly
and keep you safe from harm
until I’ll one day hold you in my everlasting arms.
Let him wipe away your tears
and trust him with your pain
until I wipe them all away and heaven is your gain.
Pray to love his tender touch and want his gentle kiss.
I grant you both my blessing
and ask you not to miss
the reason why I have chosen for two halves to become one
That you might see the Bride of Christ,
sweet daughter, dear son.
So make his home a refuge, he’s to love you as I do
Until your mansion is complete for you
And if I should choose to leave you here when I call him home Trust me, I’ll be your husband then, you’ll never be alone. 

Single Today

I really appreciated this quote that my sweet friend Emily sent my way from a book she is currently reading:

"Ultimately we are single because that's God's will for us right now.  That's it.  It's not because we are too old, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too quiet, too loud, too smart, too simple, too demanding, or too anything else.  It's not wholly because of past failures or sin tendencies.  It's not because we're of one race when many of the men around us are of another.  It's not because the men we know lean toward passive temperaments.  It's not because there are more women than men in our singles group.  It's not because our church doesn't even have a singles group.  Though perhaps these all feel like valid reasons, they don't trump God's will.  One look at the marriages we know or the announcements in the newspaper will assure us that these factors are present in many people's lives and they still got married.  We are single today because God apportioned us this gift today." 

- Carolyn McCulley

Everybody Has a Story

Everyone has a story to tell, whether they know or not. I met a couple the other night, however, that certainly had stories to tell. I was invited by a friend, Jackie, who had met the couple, Dick and Cathy, at the local Y. Dick and Cathy had invited Jackie out to dinner and told her to bring a friend if she liked. Jackie asked and I said, "Sure - why not?" Apparently the couple wanted to pick the brain of some college students as they were interested in getting involved in college ministry here in the local area.

We arrive at their house, which was a modest cabin on the edge of a 20-acre lake, tucked back in the woods. Jackie had mentioned that they were an older couple and so I had in my mind maybe people in their 50s or 60s. We knock on the door and Dick opens the door and it was like looking at white-haired version of Dick Clark. Dick had bright eyes and an eager smile. Then up walked Cathy, looking just as cheery. But they certainly were not in their 50s or 60s. Cathy, in fact, is 83 and Dick is 81! But here's the crazy fun part of their story.

They had each been married previously - Cathy for 53 years and Dick for 48 years. They had both lost their spouses 8-10 years ago. Dick and Cathy met while in Sunday School at a local church and one day they decided to go hiking on some local trails. Cathy, unfortunately, took a tumble off one of the ledges and fell nearly 15 feet and got a concussion. Remember, at this point, Dick and Cathy barely knew each other. Well, the doctor said Cathy was either going to have to stay in the hospital for 4 days to monitor her concussion or they could release her but somebody would have to stay with her for those 4 days. Dick was the lucky volunteer. Dick gets a big smile on his face at this point and says, "I fell in love with her during those 4 days." They got married shortly after and have been married for 7 years now!

They went on to tell all sorts of stories - Cathy's travels down Route 66, Dick's time in the military, and both spoke of their time as avocado growers in California. Coicidentally enough, Dick had started Avocado Grower magazine, a magazine to which Cathy subscribed and read frequently - but neither knew each other at this point, even though they had lived only miles apart, each on their own avocado farms in southern California!

They spoke also of their love for international students and their desire to minister to them and share the love of Christ with them. But what I remember most of all was what Dick said as Jackie and I were walking out the door after a delightful dinner and conversation with them. He was speaking of their desire to plunge into the ministry and to really devote themselves to the Lord, "Well, Cathy and I only have a short amount of time left and we want to make the most of it." When I'm 83 years old I want to be able to tell the kind of stories they tell and live with the attitude that they do - that there's always still time to make a difference for Christ.