The Person Next To You

From my other blog, written back in July

Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment." Matthew 9:20-22

Some moments in life just creep up and surprise you. Some moments when you look back and wonder what just happened. And some moments when you think to yourself, "So...this, this is what it's all about." I've been praying here recently, "Lord, let me be a blessing in someone's life. Let me somehow bring life and light to someone's day today, no matter how small an act." I shouldn't be surprised when I pray for such things and then they happen.

I went to church today not looking for anything profound or out of the ordinary to happen. But that all changed when I sat down next to a frail, quiet, 73-year old woman named Annaliese. I didn't really say much to her at first - really, I didn't know what to say at all, if anything. I had never seen her before and assumed she was new. She leaned over before the sermon started and said, "You'll have to excuse me if I leave. I'm in terrible pain right now and I just don't know if I can stay." I peppered her with a few questions about her pain and if this was her first Sunday here and such. I noticed she had a slight accent, but I didn't get a chance to ask her about it. The sermon started and we didn't get to say much more. I kept an eye on her throughout the service, just to make sure she was okay and that she wasn't in too much pain. Pastor Brad spoke of offering our lives as sacrifices, to reach out to a world that is in desperate need of help and hope.

We sang a few worship songs at the conclusion and we were dismissed. I assumed Annaliese would get up and leave shortly after. I turned to her and told her it was so great to have her here today and I hoped she comes back next week.But she stopped. And I stopped. And then the story started.

Annaliese was born in Germany and moved to American in 1959. While still living in Gemany, she was diagnosed with polio one week before the start of World War II. To any history person, you can immediately see the implications of her situation: it spells doom for a person diagnosed with polio just before Hitler comes to power, a man who is determined to wipe out anyone who is not "perfect." Annaliese went on to tell me that her mother had said to her at that time that she as a mother should probably just find a cliff to shove her daughter off because her daughter would have no purpose in the Aryan world. It's been a lie that has haunted Annaliese for nearly 7 decades. She went on to tell me that she felt like her life had no meaning, no purpose and that she had no hope. Tears are streaming down her face (and mine at this point).

The sadness was so evident in her eyes, in her demeanor. She explained how she had been to other churches but had never quite connected, but today - today at Lifepoint, she found faith. She had been told most of her life that she had to live her life alone, so to speak, and that it was wrong to serve others. A therapist had told her at one point that it was a sickness to serve others, to focus so much on the needs of others and not your own. She would shake her head sometimes and pause - the sorrow was evident in her words. Sorrow over all the things she had believed and all the burdens she had lived with these years. She talked about not having meaning and I immediately said to her, "You have meaning, and you have been a blessing to me this morning." She looked stunned - nearly in disbelief that such words could be true about her. She, of course, started crying again, which made me cry even more.

Pastor Brad comes over at this point and the story comes out all over again. But this time she adds an extra tidbit of information, which just broke my heart. When spoke of what her mother had said to her all those years ago, she said, "This is the first time I've been able to cry about it." All this time, she had been holding it in, living with the lie and the darkness, haunted by it. And today it come into the light. We then proceeded to pray with her and I couldn't wipe the tears fast enough. As we wrapped things up, she filled out the church's connection card, where you can put your contact info and any prayer requests. Instead of listing prayer requests, she instead writes the quote that said something to the effect of "you never know what unknown is already on its way." She looked up, looked me directly in the eye, and said so tenderly, "You were my unknown. You sat down next to me and you gave me hope. I see now that I do have meaning - and with what Pastor Brad said - I can see that there's something I still can do: witness."I hugged her for probably the third time this morning and said I would see her next week. I already know where I'm sitting - it was assigned this morning.

"One Touch" by Nicole C. Mullen
Been ostracized for 12 years
I’m used to being alone
Spend everything I had and now
It’s goneI’m used to being put down
My issues tell it all
My only hope is anchored in this fall
If I could just touch the hem of His garment
I know I’d be made whole
If I could just press my way through this madness
His love would fill my soul
If only One Touch

So many people calling
How could He every know
That just the brush of Him would stop the flow
If He knew would he would rebuke me?
Or shame me to the crowd?
Well, I’m desperate because it’s never or now
And then suddenly He turned around
He said somebody has unleashed My power
Well, frightened and embarrassed I bowed
You see I told Him of my troubles and how,
I had to touch the hem of His garment
And I know I’ve been made whole
And how I had pressed my way through the madness
And His love has healed my soul
Then with one word, He touched the hem of my garment
And you know I’ve been made whole
And somehow He pressed His way through my madness
And His love has healed my soulI tell you He touched me
He reached way down and touched me
When no one else would touch me.
And I know I’ve been made whole.

So, never forego the opportunity to be the hem of His garment. You never know who is reaching out to touch it.

Isaiah 46

Bel bows down, Nebo stoops low; their idols are borne by beasts of burden. The images that are carried about are burdensome, a burden for the weary. They stoop and bow down together; unable to rescue the burden, they themselves go off into captivity.....They lift it to their shoulders and carry it; they set it up in its place, and there it stands. From that spot it cannot move. Though one cries out to it, it does not answer; it cannot save him from his troubles. Isaiah 46:1-2,7

I've been fascinated by Isaiah 46 as of recent days. I'm constantly surrounded by the question, "What images of God are you carrying about?" I've realized time and time again how often we as Christ-followers carrying around images of God that are so far from who He really is. I personally tend to have this view of God as this divine lawyer, looking for a loophole to nail me. I find my prayers are so specific not because I'm praying by faith but because I fear that if I'm not specific then God is going to hand down this awful answer. I figure if I don't clearly outline exactly what I was asking for then I won't get it. My past has ingrained that in me. But that is in no way who God really is. He is not sitting on his throne, scheming up ways to find loopholes in my prayers so that He can make me miserable.

We carry around images of God, too, as though he's Mr. Rogers. As pastor Isaac Anderson put it, "He just wants to be your neighbor." Or may be there is the view of God as a divine score keeper. He's keeping track of all that you say and do. You get points added and deducted according to your conduct and thoughts. Or may be we see God as this mildly interested human-like god who is quite content with the mediocre lives of men. All of these images combined add up to a god, who at the very heart of it all, cannot save us. And never will. Why? Because they are not the true image of God, the Holy One of Israel. Like the people in Isaiah 46, they were crafting these idols of silver and gold. They were worshipping them. Singing to them. Decorating them. And what did the idols do in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. See, that's the problem with idols and false images in our lives. They can't save us. They can't help us. They don't hear us when we cry out. They don't respond when our hearts are hurting.

Maybe that's why God doesn't hear us sometimes. We pray and pray and pray to God, hoping he'll step in, but all along we've been harboring unbelief. We've been harboring false images of him, just beneath the surface.

The idols in our lives taunt us. They keep us captive. They overshadow the truth because we have found that we are so comfortable with our idols and false images of God that we don't even realize that is what has happened.

So that's the question: What images of God have you been carrying around that you need to deconstruct? What false images of God have you been carrying about? It's burdensome isn't it? It's burdensome to carry around false images and perceptions of God. But the Holy One also said, "Come to me and I will give you rest....my burden is light." Holding onto and believing the true image of God is the only yoke you will carry on your shoulders that will not keep you captive. Learn from Israel in Isaiah 46. Carrying around false images and idols and crying out to them is no way to live.

The Reasons Why

I'm about to make a move (literally) that is going to take me away from so many things that I'm going to miss dearly. My best friend. My church that I am just wild about. My niece. My family. My job that I love. But underneath it all, I know that this move is orchestrated by God. Of that I have no doubt. I'm going to be working with people that I greatly respect, in an environment that I thrive in. Back on a college campus. I'm anxious to be back in a classroom, taking classes. I'm anxious to be back among college students, ministering to them, challenging them to be better men and women. I'm anxious to go back and make a difference in that community.

One of the things the Lord impressed upon my heart as I began debating about this decision was that this generation of college students and youth are going to witness and be a part of a movement that is unlike anything God has ever done before. I spoke at a high school baccalaureate service back in June and the following quote was in the program:

"Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, there is a generation of young spiritual leaders about to arise who will not eat the food offered to the idols of their generation. They also will be confronted and tested by the conjurers, the sorcerers, and wise men of this age, but will be found to have ten times more wisdom than all of them. The Lord himself will walk with them in the midst of the fire, and they will not be burned. They will stand as a witness and turn many to the worship of the only God of heaven and earth. Every attack against them will only result in greater authority and esteem." ~ Pastor Bill Click

It nearly stopped me in my tracks and that's when I knew I had to go. I believe God is up to something in this generation and I don't want to miss it. But I also know the devil is up to something, too, in this generation. I should not be so deceived into thinking that he will not be working just as hard to make sure the exact opposite happens.

"Don't be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse...addicted to lust, and allergic to God. These are the kind of people who...take up with every new religious fad that calls itself 'truth.' " 2 Timothy 3, MSG

So as hard as it is sometimes to pick up and move yet again, it seems that's the only life I know anymore. Always on the move, always on the go. Excited to be in a new place, but always too afraid to stay for long.

Exiting Gracefully

There is something extremely cathartic about writing. When you actually have the discipline to do it, that is. That's half the battle, actually sitting down to write down whatever it is that comes to mind.

I'm finding my life keeps taking turns, some expected, some unexpected. But somehow I keep managing to put one foot in front of the other. I keep managing to pick up the pieces when my heart gets broken. I keep managing to turn my face to God even when the world around me is telling me to do otherwise.

"There's a trick to the graceful exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over — and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out. It's hard to learn that we don't leave the best parts of ourselves behind, back in the dugout or the office. We own what we learned back there. The experiences and the growth are grafted onto our lives. And when we exit, we can take ourselves along — quite gracefully." Ellen Goodman, columnist