RIP Not-So-Smart Phone And Other Technology I Should Part With

 I had a moment of silence this past week for my not-so-smart phone.  It decided to die and go to the land of cellphone heaven.  I couldn't even get it to power on anymore.  It just kept flashing the Verizon logo over and over again, almost as if it were sending out its final distress signal.  It lived a good life, being carted around to various parts of the globe.  It was maybe dropped a time or two (or three or four), but I was determined to hang on to it for as long as possible because I hate making upgrades to things like this and I hate paying for them even more.  Which probably explains why I held onto it for as long, a solid run of 4 1/2, if not 5 1/2 years.  We can chalk it up to one part practicality and two parts stubbornness.  Why buy something new when what you've got works perfectly fine (most of the time)?  I did have to activate, much to my dismay and annoyance at a higher phone bill, the smartphone I already had on hand, one I bought over two years ago when I knew I was going to be in Kenya for awhile and it was just going to be easiest to have that kind of technology while traveling, especially for international calls.  I generally go kicking and screaming when it comes to upgrades, but eventually get over it and move on with life.  You just gotta let me stomp my feet for awhile and pitch a fit and then I finally settle into my reluctance.

Note, most of the letters have vanished

There's also my dinosaur of a laptop, which is now over 11 years old.  In the land of technology, that's equivalent to forever.  I bought it the summer I graduated from high school and I've only had to replace the hard drive once.  Otherwise, it has worked like a champ.  Granted, these days it sounds like a small aircraft taking off most of the time because the fan blows quite a bit.  And it probably weighs at least 6-8 pounds, which is a tank compared to what laptops weigh these days.  And most of the letters have worn off due to my constant clacking around on it with long fingernails.  As with my phone, I am reluctant to purchase another laptop until this one officially bites the dust.  I really don't use it that often anyway these days, so why bother spending the money right now?  The IT guys at my office, lovers of all things Apple and current, frequently shake their heads at me and wonder if I was dropped on my head as a child.      

We then have my stereo.  Which I got as a gift for my 16th birthday.  That now makes it 14 years old.  Also, still working like a champ.  It even has a cassette deck as a bonus.  Don't judge.  And don't roll your eyes.  I get that I live in a world that clamors for the latest and greatest and is appalled that I have the same box TV that I had when I was in high school, but maybe this is my small way of taking a stand (albeit a lame one) and pushing back on the world. 

I am well aware of my love/hate relationship with technology and all things social media these days, the constant beeping and buzzing and chirping of machines that we have somehow allowed to rule our lives. 

I have a quote from a book I read once, on a Post-It note stuck to my mirror that says ,"How do you know have ADD or a severe case of modern life?"  I think various people think I have lost my mind when I say I don't have internet in my apartment - or TV - or microwave - or cable. But I love it.  I really, really, really relish it.  I like unplugging from the world and occasionally being unreachable.  I like falling off the map, off the grid, and out of reach. I get to slow down and literally disconnect.  I know someday I'll eventually have to make the trade and buy a few technological appliances that work, but I'm going to stick with the faithful ones I've got right now.

So, farewell, not-so-smart phone.  You were smart enough for me and that's all that mattered.        

Learning to Breathe

Learning to breathe

I'm learning to crawl

I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall

I'm living again, awake and alive

I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

- Switchfoot, "Learning to Breathe"

  __________________________________

My doctor told me recently that I have been "unconsciously dysfunctional."

Thank you, doc.  And welcome to thirty, Courtney.

In all fairness, he said it with much graciousness, gentleness and compassion.  And what he was really saying was that I have been very much unaware of how my physical body does not work properly, especially when it comes to things like stability and breathing.  I continue to have troubles with my back and it's become a source of great discouragement and frustration.  He suspects that over the course of time, and probably due to my years spent riding, I picked up a few bad habits along the way when it comes to how I physically move and function.  I had been blissfully unaware of such issues.  And now I'm paying the price.

He went on to say that we need to move me from unconsciously dysfunctional to consciously dysfunctional to consciously functional to unconsciously functional.

Story of my life summed up in one single statement, the constant migration between awareness and ignorance, functionality and dysfunctionality.

One of the key things he's been emphasizing is the necessity of learning to breathe properly.  I apparently breathe a lot through my chest and the upper half of my lungs instead of really learning to breathe through my belly.  The domino effect this creates is wreaking havoc on the rest of my body.

Sometimes I wonder if my whole life I've been inhaling and exhaling all wrong, both literally and figuratively.

Because maybe here - on the eve of turning thirty - I'll finally start learning what it really looks like to breathe.