I am a quote fanatic. I have quotes strewn all over the walls of my apartment and I invariably have them plastered wherever I go, whether my office, my kitchen, and occasionally my car has a quote or two. I subscribe to a couple of e-mails that send me daily quotes and I have a thick binder in my apartment with pages upon pages of quotes I have typed up and saved over the years. I love reading other people's thoughts and perspectives on matters - sometimes what they have to say serves as a reminder and sometimes it serves as an inspiration. And sometimes, the quotes just aptly fit what my own heart had been saying and could never quite form on paper for myself. I have come across two such quotes recently that fall into that last category. They have been expressions of ideas and thoughts I had in my own heart, the kind when read them you think, "Man, that's exactly what I was trying to say. They stole my words!"
The first one is by John Eldredge, and if I remember correctly, it's from his book Wild at Heart. I had written this quote down years ago and had it hung on my dorm wall for quite some time. I had a vague recollection of one of the lines the other day and so I went on a mad search to find it because I couldn't remember exactly who had said it or where I had read it. Then I found it in my treasure trove of quotes and papers. I think it summarizes so clearly what the intent of my heart is behind this summer and my decision to get rid of TV, Facebook, music, etc:
If you saw your life as a great battle and you knew you needed time with God for your very survival, you would do it. Maybe not perfectly - nobody ever does and that's not the point anyway - but you would have a reason to seek Him. We give half-hearted attempts at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is "ought" to. But we'll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we're history if we don't. time with God each day is not about academic study or getting through a certain amount of Scriptures or any of that. It's about connecting with God. We've got to keep the lines of communication open, so use whatever helps. The point is simply to do whatever brings me back to my heart and the heart of God.
Whatever it takes. I love that kind of attitude. Sometimes we've got to do whatever it takes to bring us back to the heart of God, even if we look ridiculous to the world in the process. You do it because you're history if you don't.
The second quote is from this fantastic little book I just got done reading called If You Could See Me Now, by Cecelia Ahern, author of P.S. I Love You. I happened to pick it up on a whim at the local library because they didn't have the book I originally wanted to get by her. I had never read any of her stuff before so I wasn't sure what to expect. Here's the summary:
Living in her own house in a small, posh Irish town, 35-year-old Elizabeth Egan is an uptight interior designer and adoptive mother to her six-year-old nephew, Luke, whose mother, Elizabeth's 23-year-old sister, Saoirse, prefers boozing to parenting. Saoirse's behavior reminds Elizabeth of a painful past—the alcoholic mother who abandoned the family, leaving Elizabeth to care for her baby sister and forgo her own childhood, and the emotionally distant, controlling father still waiting for his wife's return. Unlike the other women in her family, Elizabeth adheres to a fastidiously well-ordered existence—no mess, no complications, no love. But all that changes with the arrival of Ivan, a goofy and spontaneous man intent on infusing much-needed fun and tenderness into Elizabeth's frigid persona. The catch is no one can see this ageless man from the land of "Ekam Eveileb" save Elizabeth and her nephew. Through Ivan, Elizabeth becomes the woman she's always been too afraid to be. He helps her reclaim the childhood she never had and, most importantly, to forgive those who have let her down.
It's a wonderfully whimsical story and I'm so glad I picked it up. It took me awhile at first to get into it because I couldn't really see where the story was headed and I had a hard time buying into it, but then it finally reached a point where I could relate on some level and then I was hooked. Part of the story follows Elizabeth as she struggles with who she is and who she is when she's with Ivan. I think I was probably in tears by the time I finally got to the quote that just spoke volumes to my heart:
When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls of the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no on can hear it but you. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white...but that's the thing about love; no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, but when it actually breaks, it's silent, you're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it. But Elizabeth, she saw the heartbreak in me and I saw it in her - it was time to stop walking with our heads in the clouds and instead, keep our feet on the harder soil of ground level we should always have been rooted to.
There's a small part (and for some, a big part) in each of our hearts that has been broken at one point or another. And it can be one of the most painful things to experience because it's like Ahern wrote - it's silent. And nobody else seems to know it but you. And nobody else seems to understand the pain you're going through. But they really do, we just don't always give people a chance to understand, unfortunately. So we keep walking around with the broken pieces of our heart, holding them close, and wondering if they are ever going to heal again.
But, thankfully, there is a God who is is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20)
5.12.2009
5.09.2009
Day 9
Whew! What a whirlwind these last few days have been it seems. Students have been packing their bags and moving out, parents have been coming and going, and diplomas have been flying out of the hands of university officials. I stood at the ceremony last night for the Graduate and Adult Studies students and I had this panicked moment where I thought to myself, "Holy schnikes! This is me in a year!" Then at the undergraduate ceremony this morning, I thought to myself, "Holy schnikes! This was me two years ago!" Man, how time flies. I look back and I think about how fast the years of undergrad went and now I stand in the midst of my graduate program thinking how fast this is flying by as well. Always a bittersweet moment.
I wrapped up my application for Africa this week. It's always a scary moment when you read the waiver at the bottom that says you're willing to accept whatever risks associated with this trip, even death. Yikes. Makes you rethink a few things and really makes you consider whether you really want to go through with this or not. But I do. I've wanted to go to Africa for a long time now and the reality is that there will never be a "good time" to go. So often we say "well, someday I'll do this or that" and before you know it, some day has come and gone and you're left wondering what happened. So, no more 'some days' when it comes to me and my thoughts of going to Africa. I sent off the application, now I'll just have to wait and see. It's through the Rafiki Foundation, based in Eustis, Florida. I have some friends that have connections to it and after considering which organization to go with, this seemed like the best choice. They have a focus on serving the needs of people there - and considering there are so many basic needs in Africa not being met, we have to be honest about the fact that the Gospel will never be heard in the lives of people if we can't even meet the simplest needs like clean water and food. It would be a four week trip, possibly longer. My first choice on countries to go to was Kenya, followed by Uganda and Rwanda.
As I've thought about Africa, though, in recent days I was reminded of a quote by Frederick Buechner, who defined vocation as the place where "your deepest gladness meets the world's deepest needs." I can't say that my vocation some day is going to be in Africa or meeting the needs there - I don't know ultimately where I'll end up, as that part of the story is still to be written - but I can't help but think of Africa as a place that has some of the world's deepest needs. But what gladness fills the lives of some of the people there. People, who by American standards, have nothing, but are still laughing in the face of that nothingness. The resiliency of the people there is remarkable. It reminds me of the verses in Proverbs 30:7-8, which says, "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread."
Give me only my daily bread, Lord. This day, Lord, give me only what I need and that is simply more of You.
I wrapped up my application for Africa this week. It's always a scary moment when you read the waiver at the bottom that says you're willing to accept whatever risks associated with this trip, even death. Yikes. Makes you rethink a few things and really makes you consider whether you really want to go through with this or not. But I do. I've wanted to go to Africa for a long time now and the reality is that there will never be a "good time" to go. So often we say "well, someday I'll do this or that" and before you know it, some day has come and gone and you're left wondering what happened. So, no more 'some days' when it comes to me and my thoughts of going to Africa. I sent off the application, now I'll just have to wait and see. It's through the Rafiki Foundation, based in Eustis, Florida. I have some friends that have connections to it and after considering which organization to go with, this seemed like the best choice. They have a focus on serving the needs of people there - and considering there are so many basic needs in Africa not being met, we have to be honest about the fact that the Gospel will never be heard in the lives of people if we can't even meet the simplest needs like clean water and food. It would be a four week trip, possibly longer. My first choice on countries to go to was Kenya, followed by Uganda and Rwanda.
As I've thought about Africa, though, in recent days I was reminded of a quote by Frederick Buechner, who defined vocation as the place where "your deepest gladness meets the world's deepest needs." I can't say that my vocation some day is going to be in Africa or meeting the needs there - I don't know ultimately where I'll end up, as that part of the story is still to be written - but I can't help but think of Africa as a place that has some of the world's deepest needs. But what gladness fills the lives of some of the people there. People, who by American standards, have nothing, but are still laughing in the face of that nothingness. The resiliency of the people there is remarkable. It reminds me of the verses in Proverbs 30:7-8, which says, "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread."
Give me only my daily bread, Lord. This day, Lord, give me only what I need and that is simply more of You.
5.05.2009
Time, Please Don't Have Your Way
I am just crying my eyes out over this blog post by Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick (Beth Moore's daughter) and think you all need to read it. Oh, how it makes me long even more so to go to Africa. To see the people and to meet the needs and to be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone I've never met.
Day 5
Things to do when you have no T.V., internet, or music to listen to:
1.) Defrost your freezer so you can pack more pizza and frozen dinners into it
2.) Work on your budget and set aside money as necessary so that you can actually afford to eat when the dining hall is no longer open
3.) Read books like Distracted by Maggie Jackson (ironic, yes, that I'm reading a book about being distracted)
4.) Send notes to friends and family that you haven't talked to in awhile
5.) Dream of a trip to Africa and how many more shots you are going to have to get before you go
6.) Finish at least one USAToday crossword puzzle - a good dictionary is helpful
7.) Stare at the ceiling
8.) Stare out the window
9.) Stare at the floor and realize how bad you need to vacuum it. But wait - that's right - you don't have a vacuum
10.) Fix things in your apartment, like shower doors and kitchen cupboards
11.) Talk to God
12.) Read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest
13.) Figure out where the best place is on the lake to put a kayak in the water
14.) Bake cupcakes, but only the funfetti kind
15.) Plot out what recipes you are going to make for the summer
16.) Ponder where you want to be in 5 years
17.) Journal - from the simple details to the deeper thoughts like why I can't understand boys
18.) Eat the cupcakes you just baked
19.) Stare at the paintings on your wall and pick apart all the things you think you should change about them
20.) Talk to God some more
1.) Defrost your freezer so you can pack more pizza and frozen dinners into it
2.) Work on your budget and set aside money as necessary so that you can actually afford to eat when the dining hall is no longer open
3.) Read books like Distracted by Maggie Jackson (ironic, yes, that I'm reading a book about being distracted)
4.) Send notes to friends and family that you haven't talked to in awhile
5.) Dream of a trip to Africa and how many more shots you are going to have to get before you go
6.) Finish at least one USAToday crossword puzzle - a good dictionary is helpful
7.) Stare at the ceiling
8.) Stare out the window
9.) Stare at the floor and realize how bad you need to vacuum it. But wait - that's right - you don't have a vacuum
10.) Fix things in your apartment, like shower doors and kitchen cupboards
11.) Talk to God
12.) Read Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest
13.) Figure out where the best place is on the lake to put a kayak in the water
14.) Bake cupcakes, but only the funfetti kind
15.) Plot out what recipes you are going to make for the summer
16.) Ponder where you want to be in 5 years
17.) Journal - from the simple details to the deeper thoughts like why I can't understand boys
18.) Eat the cupcakes you just baked
19.) Stare at the paintings on your wall and pick apart all the things you think you should change about them
20.) Talk to God some more
5.02.2009
Day 1
Well, yesterday kicked off the first big day of silence. It was a rather interesting sort of day, as there is a new awareness of the affects (effects? I still have never fully grasped the difference) that silence has on me. I came home from work with plans to put the TV away in the closest and basically clean the place up a bit. I was actually feeling rather energized by the whole idea - I think I thrive a great deal on change and always seem to look forward to it.
So, away went the TV into the closest. I had already packed up my all my music and movies and put those in the closet as well. The only music I left out was a few worship and instrumental CDs I had. After all that disappeared I realized how much space I now I had to work with since there was no longer a TV and TV stand taking it up! I rearranged my furniture and flopped down on the couch and realized how much I'm going to love this little adventure. (And then my back started yelling at me and I was reminded that I shouldn't move furniture that often unless I find some kind of sick happiness by being in chronic pain.)
Apart from the basics, there was this rather terrifying moment I had later on that night. As I've mentioned before, this isn't about taking a hiatus from Facebook, music, TV, etc. just for the sake of taking a hiatus. I've realized over the course of the past several months that certain areas of my life had become somewhat of a mess, mainly my personal relationship with the Lord - and that needed to change. So, it's ultimately readjusting my focus, placing it once again on the One person who should always have my attention - Jesus Christ.
Anyway - all that to say, when I sat down on the couch last night with my Bible, I just kept staring at it, but not opening it. I'd run my thumbs over the gilded edges, listening to the soft flicker of the pages, but still not crack wide the spine of the book. Then it dawned on me: I am absolutely terrified of what I will find on its pages. Because deep down, I ultimately know that the words found on the pages of Scripture are all about change. You can't read such a book and not be changed. You can't read the words of God speaking to his people and not be changed. Your heart is eventually going to crack. And then melt. And then be reshaped. And that's what scares me. So while I might be energized by change more often than not, the times when I'm not, I'm paralyzed by it.
But I finally flipped open, not having a clue where to begin. I managed to find my way to the pages of Isaiah, beginning at chapter 1. I read through the first chapter, but went back and stopped at verses 16 and 17. "Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" What struck me most about these verses was the phrase stop doing wrong, learn to do right. You see, there are certain bad habits that we have just got to STOP. Now. No questions asked. Just quit. We can walk away from wrong in a moment. But doing what is right? Ahhhh, there's the hard part - that must be learned. As human beings, we have a penchant for doing what is wrong. We have a sinful nature in us that naturally gravitates toward that which is wrong or immoral. But learning to do what is right implies time and process. Learning to do what is right implies a series of events that eventually bring us to where we need to be. Learning to do what is right implies that wrongs will be made so that we know better what is right. Learning to do what is right doesn't happen over night.
And that's what frustates us. That's what frustrates me. I want to do what is right now. I don't want to have to go through the agony of making mistakes and hurting myself or grieving the heart of God. I want to wave my magic wand and just do whatever it is that I need to do.
But what is right? Well, the overly simplified answer to that is whatever God does is right. Psalm 31:1 says "Save me, for you do what is right." But that's pretty all-encompassing and doesn't really give us tangibles. Tucked away in the pages of the Bible, though, in a book that isn't accessed that often is this gem of a verse in Micah: The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." I also love how the Message version words it: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."
That's what doing right is, at least a part of it. We've got set our sights on God if we have any hopes of doing what is right and humbly obeying him.
So, away went the TV into the closest. I had already packed up my all my music and movies and put those in the closet as well. The only music I left out was a few worship and instrumental CDs I had. After all that disappeared I realized how much space I now I had to work with since there was no longer a TV and TV stand taking it up! I rearranged my furniture and flopped down on the couch and realized how much I'm going to love this little adventure. (And then my back started yelling at me and I was reminded that I shouldn't move furniture that often unless I find some kind of sick happiness by being in chronic pain.)
Apart from the basics, there was this rather terrifying moment I had later on that night. As I've mentioned before, this isn't about taking a hiatus from Facebook, music, TV, etc. just for the sake of taking a hiatus. I've realized over the course of the past several months that certain areas of my life had become somewhat of a mess, mainly my personal relationship with the Lord - and that needed to change. So, it's ultimately readjusting my focus, placing it once again on the One person who should always have my attention - Jesus Christ.
Anyway - all that to say, when I sat down on the couch last night with my Bible, I just kept staring at it, but not opening it. I'd run my thumbs over the gilded edges, listening to the soft flicker of the pages, but still not crack wide the spine of the book. Then it dawned on me: I am absolutely terrified of what I will find on its pages. Because deep down, I ultimately know that the words found on the pages of Scripture are all about change. You can't read such a book and not be changed. You can't read the words of God speaking to his people and not be changed. Your heart is eventually going to crack. And then melt. And then be reshaped. And that's what scares me. So while I might be energized by change more often than not, the times when I'm not, I'm paralyzed by it.
But I finally flipped open, not having a clue where to begin. I managed to find my way to the pages of Isaiah, beginning at chapter 1. I read through the first chapter, but went back and stopped at verses 16 and 17. "Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" What struck me most about these verses was the phrase stop doing wrong, learn to do right. You see, there are certain bad habits that we have just got to STOP. Now. No questions asked. Just quit. We can walk away from wrong in a moment. But doing what is right? Ahhhh, there's the hard part - that must be learned. As human beings, we have a penchant for doing what is wrong. We have a sinful nature in us that naturally gravitates toward that which is wrong or immoral. But learning to do what is right implies time and process. Learning to do what is right implies a series of events that eventually bring us to where we need to be. Learning to do what is right implies that wrongs will be made so that we know better what is right. Learning to do what is right doesn't happen over night.
And that's what frustates us. That's what frustrates me. I want to do what is right now. I don't want to have to go through the agony of making mistakes and hurting myself or grieving the heart of God. I want to wave my magic wand and just do whatever it is that I need to do.
But what is right? Well, the overly simplified answer to that is whatever God does is right. Psalm 31:1 says "Save me, for you do what is right." But that's pretty all-encompassing and doesn't really give us tangibles. Tucked away in the pages of the Bible, though, in a book that isn't accessed that often is this gem of a verse in Micah: The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." I also love how the Message version words it: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."
That's what doing right is, at least a part of it. We've got set our sights on God if we have any hopes of doing what is right and humbly obeying him.
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