Day 1

Well, yesterday kicked off the first big day of silence. It was a rather interesting sort of day, as there is a new awareness of the affects (effects? I still have never fully grasped the difference) that silence has on me. I came home from work with plans to put the TV away in the closest and basically clean the place up a bit. I was actually feeling rather energized by the whole idea - I think I thrive a great deal on change and always seem to look forward to it.

So, away went the TV into the closest. I had already packed up my all my music and movies and put those in the closet as well. The only music I left out was a few worship and instrumental CDs I had. After all that disappeared I realized how much space I now I had to work with since there was no longer a TV and TV stand taking it up! I rearranged my furniture and flopped down on the couch and realized how much I'm going to love this little adventure. (And then my back started yelling at me and I was reminded that I shouldn't move furniture that often unless I find some kind of sick happiness by being in chronic pain.)

Apart from the basics, there was this rather terrifying moment I had later on that night. As I've mentioned before, this isn't about taking a hiatus from Facebook, music, TV, etc. just for the sake of taking a hiatus. I've realized over the course of the past several months that certain areas of my life had become somewhat of a mess, mainly my personal relationship with the Lord - and that needed to change. So, it's ultimately readjusting my focus, placing it once again on the One person who should always have my attention - Jesus Christ.

Anyway - all that to say, when I sat down on the couch last night with my Bible, I just kept staring at it, but not opening it. I'd run my thumbs over the gilded edges, listening to the soft flicker of the pages, but still not crack wide the spine of the book. Then it dawned on me: I am absolutely terrified of what I will find on its pages. Because deep down, I ultimately know that the words found on the pages of Scripture are all about change. You can't read such a book and not be changed. You can't read the words of God speaking to his people and not be changed. Your heart is eventually going to crack. And then melt. And then be reshaped. And that's what scares me. So while I might be energized by change more often than not, the times when I'm not, I'm paralyzed by it.

But I finally flipped open, not having a clue where to begin. I managed to find my way to the pages of Isaiah, beginning at chapter 1. I read through the first chapter, but went back and stopped at verses 16 and 17. "Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight! Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!" What struck me most about these verses was the phrase stop doing wrong, learn to do right. You see, there are certain bad habits that we have just got to STOP. Now. No questions asked. Just quit. We can walk away from wrong in a moment. But doing what is right? Ahhhh, there's the hard part - that must be learned. As human beings, we have a penchant for doing what is wrong. We have a sinful nature in us that naturally gravitates toward that which is wrong or immoral. But learning to do what is right implies time and process. Learning to do what is right implies a series of events that eventually bring us to where we need to be. Learning to do what is right implies that wrongs will be made so that we know better what is right. Learning to do what is right doesn't happen over night.

And that's what frustates us. That's what frustrates me. I want to do what is right now. I don't want to have to go through the agony of making mistakes and hurting myself or grieving the heart of God. I want to wave my magic wand and just do whatever it is that I need to do.

But what is right? Well, the overly simplified answer to that is whatever God does is right. Psalm 31:1 says "Save me, for you do what is right." But that's pretty all-encompassing and doesn't really give us tangibles. Tucked away in the pages of the Bible, though, in a book that isn't accessed that often is this gem of a verse in Micah: The LORD God has told us what is right and what he demands: "See that justice is done, let mercy be your first concern, and humbly obey your God." I also love how the Message version words it: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."

That's what doing right is, at least a part of it. We've got set our sights on God if we have any hopes of doing what is right and humbly obeying him.