Disturb us, Lord

A couple of days ago I was asked to give a brief presentation on my plans for Africa at my church's night of missions celebration. There had been quite a few people in the church who had gone on mission trips recently and the church took an evening to celebrate and highlight those. I was asked then to speak on my plans for Africa. I'll admit I felt a little out of place as the trip is still a year away and I honestly felt like I didn't have much to say other than "I want to go." But I got up there and talked a little bit about my dreams for Africa for the last several years and some of the practical steps I'm needing to take to get there. What I was blessed by more than anything though was what someone else said last night. A woman in our church who works in Deaf ministry had recently gone to Honduras to work with New Life Deaf Ministry, an awesome ministry that is working diligently to serve the Lord and the Deaf community in Honduras. She read this poem below and it just struck my heart in such a profound way:

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity; and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas where storms will show your mastery; where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizons of our hopes; and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.

Yes Lord, let it be so.

Confront us with our complacency and fill us with a Holy Hunger that is insatiable.

Instill within us a Divine Desperation to see Your Kingdom come and to cease from building our own kingdoms.

Pull the rug out from under our frivolous ambitions and give us eyes to see our own true motives and frailties.

Send us into the depths of adversity, if need be, to cause us to stretch our hands toward yours, lest we perish.
We admit and confess to you that we have no way of knowing you, and your ways, without your divine intervention working in us to show us the way. Lead us on Father , lead us on.

Prayer of Sir Frances Drake, circa 1590

The things that struck me the most were the parts I put in bold - because in the midst of my daydreams of Africa, I'm slowly beginning to realize that my plans have been made entirely apart from God. I've been dreaming too little. Africa seems too attainable. It's been on my own strength, my own desires, my selfish wishes that this trip has been coming together. As saddened and ashamed as I might be to admit it, I've left God out of the picture.

At what point did I start to think I could live my life apart from God, or at least apart from the direction of the Holy Spirit? At what point did I say to God that I no longer want to hear his direction spoken over my life? Why am I dreaming too little and staying too close to the shore?

Summer Recap

Okay, finally a recap on the summer. I know, it's taken me awhile. The summer has flown by as usual and I think I still have these fleeting moments of shock when I realize that I've already completed one year of my grad program and have only one year left. I remember thinking a year ago, "Holy cow - two years? That seems like an eternity." And at the time, it really did feel like that. When you think about the fact that I had already spent four years away from my family and my home, another two just felt like such a long time.

Despite the time flying, I have thoroughly enjoyed checking out from the world a little this summer. After not having a TV or getting on Facebook and occasionally leaving my cellphone behind, those things don't hold much appeal anymore. When I sit down and watch TV or get on Facebook, I get this anxious feeling. I'm not quite sure how to explain other than I just feel this need to get it over with as soon as possible. There just isn't much of a "want to" anymore when it comes to those things. I find now that I want to spend my time reading or being creative in some manner. I mean, I breezed my way through nearly 30 books this summer - yes, you read right. Thirty books. And I loved it. I loved coming home in the evenings, grabbing a good book and settling in for the night. My reading selection expanded quite a bit this summer, too, as I deviated from the genres I normally read.

I stumbled across this fabulous book called "The Only Road North" by Erik Mirandette. If you can get your hands on it, do it. I also snagged the book "Shoeless Joe" by Bill Kinsella, which the movie "Field of Dreams" is based upon. Marvelous book. I mean, the movie is good, but there is something all together magical about that book. I also read "The Lost City of Z," which is great book about adventure and exploring - good for the history too. There are just so many amazing books out there. I love finding these little gems of stories and getting so completely lost in them. A friend of mine had this quote on his blog the other day and I think it is so true: "Perhaps there is some secret sort of homing instinct in books that brings them to their perfect readers." It's from the book "Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society." I'd like to think that quote is true on some level. Or maybe the homing instinct is in me and it's the book that is perfect.

Other than the ridiculous amounts of reading I did, I also made some more progress on my plans for Africa. One of my best friends and I are flying down to Florida in October to go to Rafiki's headquarters for a weekend of training. I happened to meet up with the couple who is on full-time staff in Zambia that my church supports. Listening to their stories - I nearly wanted to cry my eyes out the entire way through their presentation. Not because it was particularly sad, but because I kept thinking to myself, "How is this possible? How is possible to so completely long for a country I've never been to, a people I've never met, and a continent that I've only known to exist on a map?" A big part of me just wants to get on a plane and go NOW. Next summer just seems so far away, but even as this past year has flown by, I know this coming year will likewise. And between now and then, I'll keep dreaming of Africa and its people.

I have more thoughts on the summer - stay tuned for more....