I love questions. I love it even more when I'm around people who ask good questions. Asking questions shows you are interested in the other person, that you care about the details of their life. If you want to show that you care about me, then ask me questions and take an interest in my life.
I learned this lesson from my friend, Austin. We were hanging out one night when we were in college. I got back to my dorm later and we were chatting some more on AIM (remember those days with AOL Instant Messenger?!). I commented and said, "I felt like that conversation was very one-sided and that I did all the talking." To which he responded, "That's because it was one-sided and you did do all the talking."
Oh. Right.
See, Austin was and is great at asking questions. And I'm not talking just generic, surface-level questions. He would ask specific, detailed questions because he was paying attention and listening well, knew how to get to the heart of things, knew how to cut through the noise. So, yes, I did do all the talking that night because I never bothered to ask him questions in return.
That was probably one of the most valuable life lessons I've ever learned, certainly an aha moment. There is an art form to asking questions, and since that conversation with him, I have endeavored to ask good questions when talking with others. It has taken a tremendous amount of practice, intentionality and clarity of mind. It requires that I pay attention in a conversation, to stay tuned in and engaged. I saw it modeled well in Austin - and in others since. Sure, sometimes in certain social settings, particularly with complete strangers or an unfamiliar environment, this skill momentarily goes out the door because I'm nervous, trying to take in everything else going on around me. But generally, it has become second nature.
So, how 'bout a round of questions? I obviously can't sit across the table from you over a slice of a salted caramel brownie in this context and have ourselves a little chat, but you can mull these over on your own nonetheless - or sound off in the comments. If you're looking for a boost to inspire your question-asking abilities, my mom bought me a box of questions from TableTopics, which is a simple and easy way to engage others by asking questions.
- What's the best advice you've ever been given? ("Let it be what it is until it isn't.")
- What do you like most about your home? (The silence.)
- Where is your favorite place on earth? (Either my own bed or the recliner in my bedroom.)
- What one possession means the most to you? (My journals.)
- What's the best thing about coming home after you've been away? (Sleeping in my own bed.)
- Which game is most fun to play? (Mad Gab.)
- Who makes you laugh? (Sandra.)
- Who do you owe a huge thank you? (My parents.)
- What's your favorite part of the day? (The quiet of the evening, watching sunset.)
- What's the best thing you've found in nature? (I don't know if can say I found a whole mountain range, but we'll go with the Grand Tetons.)
- What's the nicest thing your mom does for you? (Loves me despite my biting words towards her sometimes)
- Which of the five senses are you most grateful for? (Sight.)
- What's the healthiest thing you do for your body? (Work out regularly and eat whole foods.)
- What was your favorite book or movie from last year? (Top Gun: Maverick. Duh.)
- Which leftover are you most excited about seeing in your refrigerator? (Chicken casserole and homemade mashed potatoes.)
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If you want more resources on asking good questions, check out Warren Berger's content for some inspiration.
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