Update on Life and the Joys of Fat Bears

Not to worry. I'm still here. I've had so many things rolling around in my head lately, but nothing seems to be percolating enough to merit a broader audience. I've learned not to pull the trigger too early when it comes to writing, otherwise it just ends up falling flat, so this post is going to be purely a functional update unto itself.

I met with the neurosurgeon last week for a routine 3-month (3 months!) post-op appointment, which actually ended up being somewhat teary, in a reflective, grateful, sort of way. I was recounting to him how much the two months immediately post-op thoroughly sucked and felt like a little slice of hell on earth. Remember the old antenna TVs that would get snowy-looking when you had bad reception with only occasional images coming in clear? That's how those two months feel to me. I have some memories, but they are hazy, filled with a lot of depression, grief, sadness, trauma, and frustration. I hope I never live through another two months like that again in my life. 

The surgeon, though, was pleased with how things had gone during the surgery in April, and how well I was doing at present. We brought it in for a group hug to end the appointment (my mom was also with me). I'm very grateful for that surgeon's work in my life and I'm glad he was part of my care team.

Chemo will end this Sunday, and radiation will end next Wednesday before my 30-day break begins. Never have I ever been more excited for a break in my life. Forget spring break. Forget summer break. Forget time off work. Life with cancer is when you get excited about a break from nightly pill-popping at 9:00 pm for 42 days straight, and daily trips to the hospital for radiation treatments that leave you bald, but just on one side of your head. #Adulting 

I know I joked about making plans in a prior post, but in this instance, I want there to be precisely NO plans during this break. I don't want to see a single medical provider for 30 days. I just want to stop and let my body regroup after the all-out assault these last 6 months have been. Just for kicks, I totaled up how many appointments I've had since the beginning of February when the bottom dropped out, including daily radiation, individual rehab appointments, lab work, and one-off appointments with doctors. It's in the vicinity of 90 appointments. Ninety!  👀

Physically, this week has been a bit bumpier than the others. I had been sailing through the first 5 weeks of treatment, and then a week or so ago, I started getting more frequent headaches. Then Monday of this week, I slept almost the entire day, which was an unusual amount of fatigue for me. I also had my first bout of nausea and vomiting yesterday morning, which was fairly mild, thankfully. This morning when I woke up, I was so weak, I thought I was going to topple over when I got out of bed. I texted my mom, just upstairs, instead of yelling for her, asking her if she could bring me all my morning meds because I genuinely did not think I could make it to the kitchen to get them myself. Mornings were my best hours there for awhile, but definitely not this week. The doctors said none of this is surprising to them, but rather to be expected as radiation comes to an end.

I had a virtual appointment with my neuro-oncologist today and he was pleased with how things were going. I'll have my first MRI on August 20, but the radiation oncologist warned not to put much stock in that particular scan, as it will serve as its own benchmark moving forward, rather than looking back to see how my tumor has responded from chemo and radiation.

Tomorrow is my last occupational therapy session, for now. Depending on how progress goes over break or if any setbacks, I asked them to just put me on hold rather than discharge me from rehab altogether.

And if no one has ever introduced you to the Brooks Falls bear cam, please allow me. They are far more exciting than my life with cancer. Instead of seeing doctors on a regular basis, this is what I'll spend my 30-day break doing - watching brown bears in Alaska gorge on an obscene amount of salmon as they fatten up for the winter. And if you really want to follow me down the rabbit trail, don't miss out on Fat Bear Week, usually in October. It's like March Madness, but for fat bears. #YoureWelcome #Enjoy #FatBearBreak