Life comes in seasons and I think 2016 was a season marked by calibration, hitting pause on some aspects of my life and my involvement at my local church, while still moving forward in other areas.
January: Over Christmas break last year, I decided to finally sit down and start writing a Bible study a couple of friends had been pestering me about. I had been toiling with the idea for awhile but just kept putting it off. I wrote I don't know how many lessons over the break and continued into January. I jotted down in my journal, "It's been awhile since my heart has burned quite like this over a message or a concept. I'm not sure what God is up to but I sense that the material he is taking me through will lead to something." I think it led mainly to growth and change for me, as I don't know that the completed study will ever see the light of day again. But whether it goes anywhere or not doesn't matter - I needed to be obedient to write. I also started plotting a return trip to Jackson with my friend, Kristen.
February: Whisperings of "Teach my Word" came to me at the IF: Gathering, a nudge, a prompt I kept hearing from the Holy Spirit. I wasn't sure what to do about it. I felt like the men on the road to Emmaus, my heart burning with me as I read the Bible.
March: I was still working on the Bible study I had started over Christmas break. It was exposing a lot of insecurities and doubts. I desperately wanted to abandon it, but felt compelled to forge ahead.
April: I watched the documentary Unbranded (it really is quite spectacular and I highly recommend it) and my dreams of Jackson rose to the surface all over again. I had at this point already booked a return flight and was eager to be there already.
May: I wrestled with involvement and commitment to my local church. It's a long story, but I eventually stepped down from every volunteer role I was involved with, including leading a women's small group and working in the nursery. I felt restless and out of sorts and uncertain about so many things there and I really didn't know what all of those feelings meant. Nothing bad was happening, just the church was growing and changing, and I struggled to grow and change with it.
June: My doctor put me on a "wellness plan" as one friend called it, as opposed to a diet. I was having some chronic health issues and he wanted to sleuth out some things. It's the healthiest I've ever eaten in my entire life. I loved it but it was a lot of work. My dad also went on a diet and has lost something like 70 pounds since then. I'm so proud of him. I'm a little less proud of myself because the first day my diet ended, I basically binged on everything I hadn't eaten in a month. (I happened to buy a t-shirt yesterday at JC Penney's that maybe represents my philosophy on food: "Wish me luck in the Olympics. Just kidding, I'm on my fifth cupcake.)
Meanwhile at church, I'm still wrestling. I wrote in my journal on June 26: "I think really at the end of the day I need to a) get an attitude adjustment and b) get over myself." Story of my life.
July: "I feel so out of sorts with all the changes at work and church, and I just feel disjointed and disoriented. I don't feel rooted." At work, we were hiring about 20 new staff and there were some cultural shifts occurring, in a parallel vein to some degree of how my local church was changing. Just a lot of growth and changes, and I realized I don't embrace change as well as I thought I did.
August: Nothing much must have happened because I didn't bother to write anything.
September: Ah, sweet Jackson. I flew back to Jackson Hole for two weeks. I bummed around one week with my dear friend Kristen and then spent the second week by myself. There is truly no place on Planet Earth I love more (except maybe my current location) than this corner of Wyoming. I always pack a book or two while traveling and while I had already read this one once, I re-read the book I Don't Wait Anymore by Grace Thornton. Necessary and encouraging. I highly recommend it.
October: I celebrated my birthday, and as it always seems with the occasional birthday, my life suddenly felt very small and safe. I realized I was holding on to so many fears. I kept thinking about the quote from the movie You've Got Mail, "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"
November: Well, the obvious happened. Donald Trump became POTUS. I don't normally comment on external events in my journals, but I felt the need to document this event in history. I also attended one of Beth Moore's Living Proof Live events and I heard the same words whispered over me that I heard back in February at the IF: Gathering: Teach my Word. Oh, and I went to the Big Game.
December: I actually registered late in November, but I signed up to go to a conference in Houston, hosted by Beth Moore. This is not her usual Living Proof event, but will focus instead on women in their 20s and 30s who feel called to teach, write or speak. After all that had been happening this year in light of what the Holy Spirit had been prompting in me, I felt strongly about going. The event sold out in less than 5 minutes, but I got a ticket. A prerequisite for the conference is to complete her Entrusted study, which I started with my friend Alex. It's been really good so far and I'm eager to plow through the rest of it and then head to Houston.
So what will 2017 hold? Time will tell. Give me about another 367 days and you'll find out in my 2017 year-in-review.
Cheers.
1 comment:
Ummmmmm attendance at THE GAME didn't make the cut in November?! Tisk, tisk...
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