Green Thumb I Am Not

I have this bad habit of killing things, particularly green leafy things.  I don't know particularly how or when the habit started, but my first recollection of a plant not faring so well under my care was the bamboo shoot my best friend got me when we graduated from high school.

  

It was doing so well, all that summer, into my first semester of college.

It was dead by Christmas break.  I swear I watered the thing and took good care of it.  Alas, it was not destined to live.

Another item that didn't fare so well was the bonsai kit a friend bought me.  I couldn't even get the thing to germinate, let alone grow and actually live a healthy life.

I did manage to keep a peace plant alive all through grad school, which was a minor feat.  The great thing about that plant was that it let you know when it needed water because it literally would wilt and get all droopy.  Give it some water and in an hour or so it would pop back up.  It was very good at speaking my language and crying out for help when it needed.  Most plants are not that kind to me.  I had to water my friends' plants one time for a week.  I was terrified everything was going to be dead by the time they got home.  I assure you, it's never because I don't try.  I always give it a valiant effort to keep things alive, but for whatever reason, it just can't seem to happen. 

My latest mishap was a plant from Nick.  He knows I like flowers.  I don't mind the occasional splurge on a bouquet, but the practical side of me usually wins out and says that nobody should be spending that much money on a bouquet of flowers that is going to die in a few days anyway, and probably even quicker under my care.  My plants generally do not die slow deaths.  So, knowing that I think flowers are occasionally impractical, he decided to get practical and buy me a little pine tree of some sort back at Christmas.  It was a very nice, lovely little green tree, all wrapped up in its own little pot.  You know, something good and hardy, something that can withstand the blows of a less-than-capable green thumb.  I faithfully watered it, put him in some sunlight, and waited for him to grow and grow. 

But he still manages to look like this: 

How is this possible?

I do not understand.  I follow the directions.  I do what I'm told and I still manage to completely annihilate any green thing in my vicinity.  Without even trying! 

So, then today I had a good laugh when a friend of mine dropped off a small gift to me.  It's this little tiny box, all neatly packaged with a purple flower on top.  It's a forget-me-not flower kit.  Of course. 

I'm sure I'll waste no time in killing it, too. 

So fair warning - if you ever feel compelled to buy me any type of plant as a gift or as friendly gesture, don't take offense if you come back awhile later and find that it has ceased to exist.  I promise it's no indication of my personal affection for you.  I just can't seem to keep things alive.   No matter how hard I try.